I finished my work today earlier than usually - didn't feel good and asked about the rest of the day off. I don't know if it may be depression? I just feel like I am not worth anything... that everybody else is doing better around me and suddenly I feel like I can't even do my job right... I have a lot of stress lately, some financial problems, trainings at work, tests and sometimes I feel like I can not focus at work... I think that I am organized but then I am finding my mistakes and starting something, not finishing, forgetting things. Maybe that is side effects of the medications but I try to think it is not as I was believing that you can take control over it but now I am just not sure. My mom and my granma both suffered from the depression, I had also moments in my life where I really felt bad about myself and had problems to put myself together and just get up from the bed, go to work, etc. But always was trying to think positive, push throught it and I never went the doctor with the problem.
In my home when I was younger my father was always expecting more and more from me and I never was good enough form him. That's how I feel often about myself - I am not good enough. Whatever I am doing I think I should do differently, better, it is not enough, I can't make people happy...
I am writting and I am crying and I don't know what is wrong with me... I hope I will be able to push trough this one also, as always and maybe tomorrow will be better day as sometimes I just feel like I am going to lose my mind- to many bad thoughts in my head - - I just can't stop to think about myself that I am just not worth anything.
Sorry for that I just don't have anybody to talk about it, I know my husband would understand but I don't want to put him down too and to show him my weakness. He is wonderful by the way and I love him so much!
thank you for reading, I just couldn't stay at work today needed to vent somwhere... hope you all are doing better than me... any ideas how to put yourself together in the bad moment??
Polyarthritis - diagnosed July 2010, suffering from May 2009, Sweet Syndrome
Prednisone - 2,5mg/day, Plaquenil, Vitamin D, Fish Oil, Humira