Good luck, Erin! 50 minutes is a long drive, taking the train is probably much better for you. I had a contract job I had to drive that plus traffic for a while and it really wears on you FAST.
The untreated lyme disease can wreak havoc on you. That is an awful story. I'm sorry to hear all this.
Have fun with your kids this weekend Ducky! I hope you never have to go through that eye cleaning process - yuck! and scary!
To answer your earlier questions:
Yes, I can dole out the advise better than I can take it sometimes. Especially when depression hits me so hard, and then I feel GUILTY about being so uncontrollably depressed. I know, I'm a little crazy.
I mentioned marraige counseling to my husband. He said no. When this started 10 years ago, every doctor had no answer. There was never this "OH, so THIS is your problem....bring your husband in and let's discuss this." So, he never got the low down on what is going on and now he might listen to me, but it goes in one ear and out the other since he's heard too many, "this is what the doctor said...." that was changed by the next appointment. TO make matters worse, my pride kept me from doing the right thing, probably. I kept telling myself, 'I'll get better. I can DO this...etc." then, I'd end up back where I was before my efforts ever got me very far.
He thinks I should just "snap out of it" "get up and push yourself" or "get over what ever weird, mental, thing" when I feel a certain way he doesn't understand or like, and when I ask for extra help either from him or hiring someone it's "no, that is your job" or "no, you don't NEED help, you just WANT it." He thinks I'm fat and lazy and could do more than I can. Part of the problem I'm guessing is I should have been put on antidepressents, soon after I had my son. Now with the liver problems, I need to limit anything I take.
My husband no longer loves me. He has said so. He hasn't left because of the children. I do still love him. I think the butt of his problem is intamacy - I was physically and mentally unable to hold up my end of the marital relations bargin for a long time and he took it as a personal attack that I did not care about him. (I'm pretty positive he is not cheating on me, thankfully.) Over time he detached himself to me and (from my perspective) has this "You owe me!" attitude and despite my efforts to rekindle our relationship, he has kept me at arms length.
That's enough about that before I get too upset and loose the day.
Have a great day everyone.