Suzie, good for you

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Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 8/3/2005 1:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Suzie, good for you. I am so glad that you were able to sit your son down and get him to understand you. I just wish your husband would also understand.

My son, 23, hates that I take pain meds and makes jokes about it, but they sting.

He is suffering from very serious depression, and social anxiety disorder. He never really got over the loss of his real dad, and then when my dad and sis died suddenly he went into another depression. My dad had been like his second dad.

When he went away to university, I met and married someone. My son and I had been alone for so many years after I was widowed and he had a hard time adjusting to having someone new here,

His girlfriend dumped him and he never seemed to get over it.

I hate his jokes, but I think deep down, he is scared, that he may have another loss. I have tried to talk to him, but it is like talking to a wall. I have tried getting him into therapy or on meds, but no luck there either. So I go to the therapist for me, my own depression and anxiety and for learning ways to communicate with him and others.

Sorry to hear about your leg swelling. I hope they can find out what is causing this. I am glad to hear that the pump is working well for the other pain.

Hope they get to the bottom of all of this and you feel better soon. I find it scary when they can not tell me why something is not right.

I have horrible swelling that comes and goes on my legs, but usually on the days of my doc appointments it is not too bad.

However they are going to check for diabetic neuropathy now. It would be nice to just know.

Take care and god bless.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 3148
   Posted 8/3/2005 7:36 PM (GMT -7)   
hey effie,
would your son ever post here?? we're the same age....just putting the idea out there. i feel so bad about it.
{{{{{ hugs }}}}}}}

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 15152
   Posted 8/3/2005 7:47 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Effie,

My daughter does what you son does, stinging little remarks. Eventually they add up and really hurt your feelings. You know I understand my children do not know what to make of this change in me and my life, I sure don't. But we have to realize that the old Susie is gone, a thing of the past and the Susie now is what you get.

My son called me today and asked me to help his wife with a garage sale on Friday. And then he said or will that be a day you aren't feeling good. I told him as far as I was concerned unless things changes I would be glad to help her, but I cannot predict what day will be a bad day for me. They just don't get it.

I do not mind you asking me any questions at all about the pump. I will be glad to answer any questions that I can for you. Hugs,


Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 3148
   Posted 8/3/2005 9:50 PM (GMT -7)   
oy! it's terrible the remarks that are passed on to people at times. as i read these posts....i can understand how people can say those things to the ones they love. i truly believe it might be a coping mechanism. totally psychological. it is sometimes easier to be mean and sarcastic than wise and patient. even with the older adult like our spouses this still happens, so it's not only our kids. it is a terrible feeling. i believe that some persons DON'T want to believe what REALLY is going on or the TRUTH about disease. so it is up to us to be saints!!! i don't know how many times my stupid father has said to me "oh, get strong and make yourself better...take vitamins". and my poor dear friend, he is dying of end stage kidney failure from nephrotic syndrome...his wife is straight from China, and she does not believe in medicine. she gives him grief about his Lasix and BP meds and even glucose meds!!! she says "you need to sleep better thats all". and we are the ones ending up feeling bad! when i was dating...soooo many guys that were into me were all head over heels and "i'll do anything for you"....and then a month or so down the line i would get "i can't see you and do this anymore, YOU'RE TOO MUCH REALITY". too much reality....perhaps that is it.

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 15152
   Posted 8/4/2005 1:59 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Effie,

I hate to hear about your son's problems, but it sounds like you have offered him every kind of help available and he is just not interested. Thats too bad because he so young. He will regret this one day. But, he is also at the age they think they know it all and they know best. I remember my 2 at that age, both in their 30's now.

I am very glad to hear you found someone and ended up getting married. Thats great, because you still deserve a life, your life was not over as you have found out. I am sure your son had some problems dealing with that, but I am sure by now he has come to terms with it.

My husband is very intelligent man, however, when it comes to his own health issues, he is absolutely the stupidist person I have ever ran across. Its like he thinks he can defy all odds and I'm gonna show that dr. Well, the idiot is the one that pays the fiddler. I get real upset with him and ask why take up the drs time and spend the money if you are not going to do what needs to be done. I use to just stay in a knot over him. I was at our dr one day, and he just laid out the cards to me, he said Susie you have so many health issues and any of them can land you in the hospital at any given time, so I want to you to promise me that you will not worry yourself to the point of making yourself sick, cause you cannot control what Charley does or what happens to Charley, he is a grown man, you need to spend your time taking care of yourself. You know something, after my dr said that you me, I said to myself he is right and I can't let Charley drag me down. It was hard but it is do-able, especially when you chronic illness of your own. Ok, enough about this crap. LOL.

Hope so far everyone has had a decent day. Hugs, Susie 


Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 1361
   Posted 8/5/2005 1:15 AM (GMT -7)   

Effie, Susie, Erin,

My heart aches when I read your posts about the way your loved ones treat you, regarding your illness. My children do not understand why mom can't do the things she use to do, but they have never made hateful remarks. My husband knows I am in pain, but does not really have a clue why. He is very supportive, but he is always after me to get out and do more, so I will feel better. Wish it were that easy,

Susie, I am glad you decided to take your doctor's advice, because as he said, no one can make your hubby  follow doc's orders except himself. And as you said, those of us with a chronic illness have to focus on ourselves, and keep the stress level down, in order to survive.

Erin, I agree with you, it may be a defense mechanism for some,or just denial, not wanting to accept what is happening to loved one.

Effie, I wish there were wonderful words of wisdom we could all give you, that would make your son do an about face, and understand what his mom is going through.Sadly I have none. I do think you are on the right track by keeping yourself in therapy to learn methods to help you cope with him. Words can pierce just like a sword. I pray that he will realize one day just how bad he has hurt you, and become the son you know is inside his body.

My thoughts, hopes and prayers are with you all,


Don't walk in front of me....I may not follow
Don't walk behind me....I may not lead
Walk beside me..and be my friend...
                                    Albert Carnus
and Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
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