My mom has rheum arth and I’m moving away

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New Member

Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 5/2/2006 12:55 PM (GMT -7)   
My mom was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in October last year and I've been living at home helping her. I graduated from college the summer before that and was recently offered a great opportunity to work in my field of study. But taking the job will mean moving to a nearby city and leaving my mom alone. Her condition is in its early stages so we're not yet worried about her ability to move around or take care of herself. My mom has already given me her blessing to go and live my own life plus I'll have my car so it's not like we'll be totally separated. But I still feel pretty sad about it, like I'm abandoning her. I almost think I need to give her an extra special Mother's Day present this year to make up for leaving her alone. Please help convince me my mom will be all right and that I'm doing the right thing. We'll both be OK, right?

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 1884
   Posted 5/2/2006 11:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Miss LJ,
Congrats on the graduation and the job offer.
Your mom's condition isn't going to improve if she is feeling guilty that her child is giving up a great chance to start her life in order to be home with her. If your mom is lucky, she will get a medication that helps her and she can go on living just fine.  Many people with arthritis live long healthy and active lives. There are many things that can help aid her to be independent at home if you find that she is having difficulties on her own. If you are close enough to visit, then you'll see for yourself if things are getting rough for her and can go from there, but you are too young to give up your life to sit at home taking care of her. Niether of you want that. The fact she gave you her blessing should tell you so.
You both WILL be okay. Do your best and call your mom often, visit and help out when you can. Otherwise, move forward and start your life that you've had on hold for the last year or so.  

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 15321
   Posted 5/3/2006 12:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Miss L

I think CaMama hit it right on the head. By you moving on with your life, your Mom so to speak will get on with her new life, too. Since you are not moving far away you can still see your Mom enough to do a visual and know how she is doing.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 3199
   Posted 5/3/2006 6:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey MissLJW - welcome to healing well... Sorry I am late in replying to you... But I see that CaMama and Susie have taken good care of you. They are 100% right and they are mother's to boot, so you know they wouldn't give you bad advice when it comes to your mom... You are doing the right thing, your mom will be fine, and you can always call and check on her whenever you need to... Good luck with your future and let us know how things are going - Duck
Diagnosed January 2005 - Psoriatic Arthritis/Spondylitis
-Currently taking 50mg shot weekly of Enbrel
Diagnosed May 1998 - Graves Disease
-Complete Thyroidectomy September 1998 - While 11 weeks pregnant
Other Complications - GERD/Scoliosis/Hiatal Hernia/Graves Disease of the Eyes
Current Meds -  Enbrel/Prevacid/Synthroid
Past Meds - Inderal/PTU/Prednisone/Voltaren/Feldene/Mobic/Cortisone and Steroid Shots

New Member

Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 5/3/2006 6:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks so much for your kind words and advice everyone. It’s been very reassuring to read what you all have to say here. I’m not moving until the end of the month but am very appreciative of the encouragement you’ve offered. My mom is a very strong lady and I hope I can be one too! Oh, and on the advice of a friend whose mom also has r.a. I decided to buy my ma a Scooba robot for Mother’s Day. At least I know she’ll be entertained when I’m away :).

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2003
Total Posts : 1671
   Posted 5/4/2006 6:30 PM (GMT -7)   
My mom got r.a. and I lived 2500 miles away from her. My dad was there to take care of her, but I gotta tell you, she died a few years ago and I still feel bad that I wasn't there to help her. Logically I know I shouldn't but it's hard not to. Expect that there will be times where you will feel a little guilty. It's bound to happen now and then. Sounds like you are going to be quite a bit closer than I was to my mom anyway. If it's still in the early stages then it would be silly to miss this opportunity based on "what if's". Maybe your mom will be just fine for many years to come. Maybe one day you will end up living closer again. No one knows what the future brings and we just have to make choices and hope for the best. Things do have a way of working out. Sounds like you are a wonderful daughter and I'm sure your mom is very proud and happy for you! By the way, I have kids (still at home) and I hope that with all my health issues I'm never the reason they don't pursue what is best for themselves.

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