Here I was yesterday with my big mouth saying positive things and today all I feel is crap about myself. Went to a fam. picnic at my sis' cabin all day yest. My sis in law kept snapping pics, well, I saw them and wow, how bad I looked. Fat, huge, bloated.Ive gained 100 lbs since I first met my husband 20 years ago. I was classified as the hottie of the fam. before that. ha.First it was from self hatred, bad food choices, no discipline off and on, then I have to get sick 8 years ago with RA and pred. has caused me to swell, plus honestly, and I feel like I can say this here among understanding chronically ill friends, Ive had alot of guilt in the past 4 years bec. my husband has had to hold two jobs since I was forced to leave mine 3 years ago bec. of my health. So there has prob. been bad food choices becau. of emoti. stuff. Been going to school online, trying to raise 3 kids, take care of my house, my ailing mother, now they have taken me off all meds, and upped my pred. (oh, thats good 25 mg. day) so my self esteem is in the toilet today, plus my sis was dia. with Crohns about 2 years ago went on this miracle diet, lost all this weight (pred chin too) is better, which makes me look like more of a loser since I havent chose to go her route,besides it being way expen. anyway, been crying most of the day. Dont go to U. of I. hosp and Clinics for new Eval. until Oct. 4th. Whats up with that? Ive not been on any RA meds since June 4th due to an allergic reaction. (no Humira or Ibupr.) only Pred. and Vicotin for pain. I hate my life today. Feel like going to bed but have kids, housework, no groceries. Dont want to be strong today.
Diag. with RA/Felty's Syndrome January 99.
Previous meds-Methotrexate,(killed my immune system for 2 years) Enbrel,(didnt work) Humira, Ibuprofen, Arava,(allergic to?) Prednisone, Folic Acid.
Now only on Prednisone because of an allergic reaction they can't figure out, so Im heading to U.of I hospitals and clinics in Sept. for testing, new meds!? Who knows, who cares! Just want off steroids so I can lose weight.