so it seems like A LOT has been accumulating & i know all of you have so much great life experience, wisdom, ya'll know what we go through myself included, and i do trust you all.
so here it is; i'm feeling NOT SO GOOD in pretty much all aspects of well being.
yes, i am coping & handling living with my capabilitie and also my limitations. i am not severely depressed nor suicidal or anything like that.
but i do feel as though i am in trouble? if that makes any sense?
i had to leave work in May 2005. this was only 1 day per week for 6-7 hours. THAT was ALL i could do with the RA getting worse, Crohns acting up & the severe joint pain. being at my place of employment for nearly 10 years, i basically was my own boss; my responsibilities were near ZERO. all i had to do was SHOW UP, sit there, oversee my employees, close shoppe & tend to financial/clientele/sales here and there.
i did that for a good year, but towards the end i couldn't make it through even 4 hours & was missing severel days/month. so i did have to leave.
denied disability 3 times, this is the 4th with an appeal & a trial "set" for december. i don't hear anything fom NJ SSDI about any of it.
i had to go on...well, welfare since 2 years ago. the only person who knows this is my mother and well...YOU ALL NOW. my father ditched me totally in regards to health insurance so I HAD to do it...for Medicaid. that covers all meds but only my PCP. rheummy i pay out of pocket.
the funds i get amounts to $210/month.
i was "getting by" for about a year with just that money to cover my bills (all credit card debt & medical appt. fees & past due tuition payments.)
i have been employed ALWAYS since age 11 (all with state taxes & legit). when i got older i always paid my credit cards if not in full, then at least double the minimun amount. i worked 2 to 3 jobs always up till age 21 (then as RA got worse i had to cut down on hours)
for the past 8 months the bills are so out of hand now that i cannot make minimun payments on ANYTHING.
am i facing bankruptcy? every CC co. is calling ALL DAY b/c i'm behind on all of them. none of them think i can consolidate on a $210/month budget.
has anyone been down this path? is bankruptcy as terrible & difficult as it seems?
if i was awarded my back pay & disability i would pay off all debts RIGHT NOW.
total debts in credit cards alone equals about $14,000
this is no shopping spree either. all doctor visits, meds, college tuition. and these are all from over 2 years ago...no new purchases in a year.
medical/hospital totals about $25,000
i had no idea that i would be LIKE THIS at this time in my life. i am not engaged to my boyfriend so i do not feel it right to ask for money for this & i am not the type that would even think of it. also, there is no one in my family i can take a loan from. my father who can spend 40 grand on a booze cruise makes no contact with me.
i would like to get married some time within the next 2 or 3 years & the thoght is mutual, but i do NOT want to do that in this situation i am in now & i would like to contribute at least something. i also do not want to "depend" on another person for my survival.
has anyone done this? when you've always been able to provide for yourself; then YOU CAN'T? where do you start?
2nd issue is health. i've been busting my a** since 2001 doing all i can to "get to a point where i can work steadily" and it has not happened.
failed several meds for RA already & it still is progressing.
i can't even do "basic" things on a normal basis such as showering or even keeping Dr. appointments because i can either not walk, not stand, or the pai i s too severe or i'm on the pot. even with typing on the PC? here and there but only a few minutes at a time. not dependable to keep "dates" i.e. going to the mailbox, banking on time, a dinner, going away on a weekend to my hunny's even; can't do the car ride.
so what happens if i'm again, denied for SSDI in december?
is this a case where an attorney is absolutely necessary? and how do you find one? i get mixed messages where some say "you won't need a lawyer" and some say yes you do.
if this reads anything like what anyone has gone through i would really appreciate any guidance on how to start. i'm starting to get a lot of anxiety now about all of this.
thanks so much
Arthritis Forum Moderator & Co-Pilot
Active Severe Rheumatory Arthritis. AS. Crohns Disease. A.Chiari Malformation & right brain venous anomoly. Partial Complex Seizures (under control!). MVP & Tricuspid Valve Prolapse. Rheumatic heart & lung. Kidney Stones (oh joy). Previous Lymes Disease for 10 years.
Meds: Remicade infusions 600mg Q3weeks; Intra-articular knee injections; 6MP 50mgQD plus 75mg weekly; Mesalamine 4GramsQD; Prednisone 20mgQD; Entocort 9mgQD; Meclizine; Augmentin; Tigan 300mg; Reglan; LidoDerm; Diazepam 5mg; Rozerem 8mg; Diclofenac; Celebrex; Percogesic; Dilaudid 4mg.