So depressed I cant even hide it any more

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New Member

Date Joined Mar 2004
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 3/29/2004 5:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Ususally I am a expert at hidding my depression on my swings, I have been going threw this for 9 years, but lately its getting really bad, I havent called the doctor, got new insurance  that wont pay for it, so with all the other health stuff forget it, but I am so depressed , I cry all the time, try to hide that, cant sleep unless I take like 3 adivans, then I try n ot to take any during the day, I hate every thing and every one, I think about just smaching my car into a tree all the time and being done, just want to be done!!!!  If my kids were just a little older or out of high school I would, I feel like I am just biding my time till they are on there own and then I can just go home, you know what I mean, doesn anyone else feel that way, my parent are dead, been dead along time, just want to go were I am wanted and loved,  I cant take it any more,  this feeling is getiing more and more overwhelelmeing, what is wrong with me,  I am so tired of being tired,
I am sorry I am such a bumber, I am sorry,

Cheri lynn


Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2003
Total Posts : 132
   Posted 3/29/2004 6:56 AM (GMT -7)   
you know and i know that you need to see a doctor and soon. why won't your insurance pay for it? call the doctor's office and ask if the dx code could be put so they will pay. you could check in with the insurance co. too and just ask. something is very off chemically which adds to the depression... not just chemical but the stress of having no doc to turn to is making things worse. you also might check with your local NAMI.. they often have lists of docs that have sliding scales, etc. don't smash the car. thought of that one too, but didn't because was afraid other car's driver would get in trouble. .. or it wouldn't work. so forget that one. best and possibly only thing is to make some phone calls, and make them soon. if you can't handle it all, have a friend do it for you. helps to have someone you can turn to in a pinch.

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2004
Total Posts : 133
   Posted 3/29/2004 10:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Pity is right you need to get to a dr.  What insurance do you have, if you don't mind me asking?  Most of them have a different number for mental health.  When I have changed ins. I have always had to call the mental health part of the ins. company and go thru what all is wrong so they will authorize dr. visits and therapy or what ever else the dr. thinks I need.  Hurting yourself is not the answer.  You have alot of love and support around you, it just is not as clearly seen right now.  I know exactly what you are saying about taking the pills at night just to sleep.  I was taking 4 - 5 of the 1.0 xanax plus some sominix to sleep, and there were times that did not work.  My dr. found out and gave me Trazadone, but I can't take it much because it puts me out for days.  Then I wake up feeling like I really tied one on the night before and I don't even drink.  The hang over without the fun.

Anyway check with your ins co. and if that don't work call your gp and explain the situation and I'll bet there is something they will do for you.

Somewhere over the rainbow way up high
There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby.
Somewhere over the rainbow skies are blue.  And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.
Some day I'll wish upon a star.  And wake up where the clouds are far behind me.  Where troubles melt like lemondrops, away above the chimney tops.  That's where you'll find me
Somewhere over the rainbow Bluebirds fly.  Birds fly over the rainbow, why then, oh why can't I?  Some day I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me.  Where troubles melt like lemondrops, away above the chimney tops.  That's where you'll find me.
Somewhere over the rainbow Bluebirds fly.  Birds fly over the rainbow.  Why then, oh why can't I?
If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow, why, oh why can't I?

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2003
Total Posts : 74
   Posted 3/29/2004 6:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Cherilyn,

I agree with the others, get to a doctor and deal with the payment later. You need to get back on track and that's a good first step. Especially being in the depressed state of this cycling thing we all deal with here. It can really get the best of you.

I hope you are doing better this evening. Please keep us posted!

All The Best,

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2004
Total Posts : 151
   Posted 4/4/2007 8:52 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm wondering how this person is doing now...a few years later. Her kids are grown now, so...My mom used to say these exact same things which brings back "odd" memories.

Is it possible to give out retroative hugs??? Perhaps just say a retroactivly I understand...I saw the pain my mom went through, the frustration my dad went through and even as a teenager I could see that "THAT" wasn't my mom. THAT was an illness that needed to be treated...

She too mentioned the tree thing but she NEVER got help. NO she didn't kill herself but when I think of how much pain could have been averted! Man...things could have been SO different!!

I don't know if anyone will even read this but I thought I'd write it anyway...

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 657
   Posted 4/5/2007 1:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Sometimes you can see there is something wrong , but so often , as Cheri says , we are masters at hiding our symptoms.

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Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2004
Total Posts : 151
   Posted 4/5/2007 5:53 PM (GMT -7)   
And sometimes ..."hiding" is a very necessary thing. Sometimes you just gotta "get the job done" and go on with life in this very real world we all live in. I hate how life forces people to have to live that way sometimes. It makes me so sad...

God didn't intend for His children to live like that...Mental illness must break His heart! I know how it breaks mine to watch my son struggle thru his depression.

I hope she got the help she needed.

New Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 4/13/2007 6:31 PM (GMT -7)   
I seem to be coming out of the worst depression I had in 4-5 years. I'm on meds. still but they don't seem to help. March 19, I went to buy a book called "feeling good handbook" a new mood therapy by David Burns,advise by my socologist. I got home read about 10 pages and my anxiety and depression had lifted. I've felt much better since. I'm not sure if the book did it or my meds. finally kicking in. Usually I start getting better every spring till the fall comes back then the ***** comes back, till spring again. I've been seeing a few doctors since 2004 yet none can tell me what I have bipolar, sad,etc. I've had suicidal thoughts often, don't want my husband, 2 boys to have to live with that, thats what stop me.
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