Bipolar IIIt is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness. -- William Shakespeare
Katy, I agree that you need to walk away during a tantrum. When he is calm later on then tell him that you can't live with behavior like that and won't. That's what I did about dh's verbal abuse and he stopped. I just said, I won't live like that and you need to stop. Not in a argumentative tone but a tone of this is my decision, it is not a discussion. And I didn't participate in trying to justify my decision either, it was just my decision.
BUT.......if your dh is the violent type, don't confront him if you think he will get physically abusive. I knew that mine wouldn't, he might hit a wall but he won't hit me. If yours is the violent type, go get personal counseling AND find a way to leave him. You might even need to leave him first and then get counseling.
Mine has explosive problems more from Adult Attention Deficit Disorder than he does bipolar. I have had to learn new ways of communicating with mine because of it. I don't push him when he starts losing his thoughts and I can see when he does that now. ADD is often a comorbid disorder that often bipolar folks have in addition to bipolar.
I know what you are going through is difficult. But I believe you need to get the ball started. Have you tried to implement and of the suggestions that were given to you?
Have you ever seen the show "The Nanny"? Wouldn't it be great if she would make house calls for marital problems where spouses don't know how to treat each other in a healthy way? She walks people through the process of making the necessary changes in their life to regain better relationships in their family.
That is basically what we are doing here. I hope you are trying to incorporate our suggestions into your relationship. Good Luck.