My Story as a Partner/Carer to Bipolar

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Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 3/8/2008 2:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi all, I just wanted to share something with you all and tell you my story. I have been on here before seeking guidance and found reasurance in yourselves. I was the partner to the love of my life untill she ended our relationship last week having decided to continue her road to recovery from Bipolar on her own from now on; making a new life for herself living with her diagnosis. It has been a very rough ride and steep learning curve for someone like myself who had never been faced with Mental health or the effects of it. I admit I was probably like the majority of the population who hang onto the horrid stigma that surrounds this forbidden subject to the uninformed and uneducated. I found myself today sitting down writting to the Ward Staff and doctors of my ex-partners Acute Crisis Ward and home for the past three months. It got me thinking of all their hard work and others that were going through the journey at this time. I Just wanted to come on here tonight and try and help any other carers, partners, parents, family or friends of someone newly diagnosed. Ok so my story didn't have the happy ending that I had hoped for but she is doing well and is fighting well to reaching that destination of obtaining a life back. i just want to say to you never give up keep fighting and realise your never alone in this life. I have attached the letter below that I wrote to thank her nurses today. I hope it opens anyones eyes who is uninformed, settles reasurance in any worried carers heart but most importantly just helps someone somehow. Thank you for taking time to read it and I pray it doesn't upset anyone. I have protected my ex-partners identity as she has the right to tell her own story on here oneday and she can tell it through her eyes, the way that counts.

I owe you a much overdue personal Thank You and Apology!!!!!!


            As my connection with ‘The Ward’ is drawing to an end what with ‘xxxx’ deciding that she has to continue her journey of recovery fighting Bipolar on her own, without my involvement in her life. I find myself looking back over the past six months. I suppose from a partner’s point of view Agony, shock, love and stamina are the normal factors with the helpless desire to ease the mental suffering. It has been one horrible steep learning curve and embarrassingly it has taken me till now to say to you what I have needed to for so long….

            My personal experience has taught me that Psychiatric Doctors, Nurses and Health Care Support Workers are a breed apart. I know that dealing with ‘xxxx’ is daunting and challenging enough – multiply that with an Acute Ward and suddenly I get the picture. You had me, one of the stressed, over anxious, worried, angry and perhaps at times intimidating carers to deal with. Not exactly the most enviable of workloads when I stop to think about it. I’ve learnt that by and large the majority of yourselves who go into the mental health profession tend to be good and decent people. So long overdue I see – You are not the enemy, I am sorry it took this long! ‘xxxx’ and I may at times have not seen this and thought that you (the professional) were trying to be obstructive and put hurdles in our way, making life harder but far from it. You have always been there on my side and that of ‘xxxx’, I could not always see this as like I assume many in time of crisis . You have always been there and helped the injured and troubled mind. So it’s true you don’t want people to be ill, or delay their recovery. Your priority has always been your patient and carers like myself sometimes need to be reminded of that. So you are like me – you are only human and have a conscience too – I imagine being moved and deeply affected by what happens in your working life. Trust me from my dealings with yourself I now know that it takes someone very special to do your job for starters. It appears in some cases you are working in appalling conditions – understaffed, overworked with long hours and often in far from ideal conditions. I may have fought against such things on ‘xxxx’ behalf but maybe I should have stopped bearing in mind that it was also your workplace.

            So hopefully before it is too late I realise you have been my allies and I have the greatest respect and regard for your role. You have taught me much and I do not think you will ever realise to what extent I owe you. I know that xxxx one day will be in a position thanks to your work to tell you of her own success story, thanking you in her own way. Between now and then this is my personal way of expressing my thanks and for apologising for my faults, as I would imagine are that of a typical carer.

            I find myself now alone being faced with a changed life due to the affects of ‘xxxx’s’ illness, so what path am I going to try and find for the future? I am motivating myself by looking into attending the University of ZZZZ  in the future enrolling on a Mental Health Diploma. I am hoping to make right my failures to ‘xxxx’. Using my interest and further want for knowledge positively by helping others, as you do. I believe that meeting her Bipolar face to face has made me a better person, hopefully along the way you have seen a carer who failed but tried his best and never gave up on his best friend – his partner.

            It has been a pleasure meeting you and having your support and guidance, unfortunately for myself it was not a fairytale ending this time. ‘xxxx’ on the other hand will make it (of that I am sure) thanks to you, your comfort, knowledge, guidance and compassion in your work. There is a handful of other staff that I have also sent this letter to, between you all the support you have given me will never be forgotten. I would appreciate it if you did not mention or allow this letter and the card it was enclosed in to be known to ‘xxxx’. I end this letter of apology and thanks with the words I said to ‘xxxx’ everyday she was a part of my life; I hope you can find meaning within them.

‘Life is NOT about the amount of breaths you take but the moments that take your breath away’.

Forever in your debt



Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 831
   Posted 3/8/2008 7:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow that is a really nice letter

DX Fibro 12/31/07   Guess I can put the rest dx
PSTD  Bi Polar 2/04  Depression most of my life  IBS
RX Amitriptylin 25mg
God gives doesn't give us more than we can handle. So this too shall pass.

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 3/10/2008 3:23 PM (GMT -7)   

I'm sorry that things have not worked out with your wife; that must have been very hard. This is a kind and generous letter to the clinic. It makes me think, though, that you want to be sending apologies to her, and not only to them.

Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 3/12/2008 2:24 PM (GMT -7)   

Thankyou both for your comments... it means a lot to hear it from someone not related to the situation! I wrote my partner a letter explaining my failures and my side of be a carer about two weeks ago. I had to let her know that a friendship can sometimes be stronger than a relationship and that she will always have one waiting if she chooses. I needed most of all to express that I know she can continue her fight on her own and reach the future she is seeking and wanting. At this time she still has not opened and read the letter... Perhaps it is not important if she does or not for I know she knows what words await her within. It's the thought and knowledge that she will never have to walk alone unless she she chooses to that I think means she never needs to read it... thank you for all your help along the way Serafena and Darren. Take Care

Keep Smiling and never give up... 'Tunny'
(Past Partner to Bipolar sufferer, Hoping to train as Mental Health Practioner soon)
"Life is not measured by the ammount of breaths you take,
It is the moments that take your breath away!''
Help support the forums so they can support you:

loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 3/13/2008 1:44 PM (GMT -7)   

You have clearly carried yourself with dignity for yourself, and your loved one, throughout this process. I thought that your letter was eloquent and well deserved by the staff helping to care for her, and we should all remember to say thank you for not only all the care of our loved ones, but ourselves as well. With our best of intentions we sometimes do make their job harder. But sometimes, we also DO help our loved ones - even if it makes the staffs job harder too. Hospitals are a tricky business, and while staff are trained to also deal with family members, help educate, support and such. They also get complacent and can make decisions that are simply more convenient for themselves and not what is best for the individual patient. Questioning things is a wise thing to do. The true benefits come from a merging of efforts when our loved ones are hospitalized...whether for a physical or emotional reason. It is a team effort at all times.

I understand that things did not work out as you had hoped with your loved one, but it is good that you take care of yourself as well. You count too. I wish you the best. While you will always be available for her as a friend, it is now time for you to embrace your own life again and forge ahead (I know, I sound the a mommy!)...but it is still true. I know you will succeed at your choices to come. There will be love again awaiting you when you complete healing from this experience. SMILE....Good thoughts to you...LFW
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