i agree with serafina. none of this is your fault. i hate that word. "fault." it's like a jagged line dividing people, like a fault lines divide the earth. does it really matter who is at fault, or if anyone is at fault? the fact is that you are in a cr*ppy situation and you need to find a way out of it with a better outcome. i was in the backyard at a freind's house one and walked out the back gate. i closed and locked it. about a week later i heard that this "friend" was holding me at fault because a few days later their dog got out the gate. does that make any sence?
spitin, you, of all people, are not at fault. in some cultures, everything, good and bad, that a child does, is attributed to that child's parents. maybe that culture isn't so far off because the greatest influence on a child is the same sex parent (according to Dr. Phil). you and i are both the product of the good and evil that have befallen us. the abuse and the hugs. too bad that it takes about 20 hugs to make up for one abuse. we'll never collect from the perpatraters, but we can collect from ourselves and each other through love, kindness, and honesty.
i wish you well and may the gods hold you in the hollow of their hand through this turbulance.
hope this helps a little.
That light at the end of he tunnel? It's an on-coming train.