Long Night Last Night...Advice PLEASE?

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New Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 5/1/2008 6:47 AM (GMT -7)   
My wife and I have been married about two months.  Until we began lliving together as husband and wife I never knew much about the symptoms of BP.  Last night was one of the longest nights of my life and I hope someone can give me some answers.  My wife does NOT take the medication that has been prescribed to her.  There are several large full bottles of Seroquel, Lamictal, Abilify, Celexa and the bottles are full, some are samples.  I was in bed trying to sleep and she did not want me to go to sleep, this was about 1am.  I finally got enough and locked my door to MY bedroom because she was getting extremely hateful and becoming violent.  Since getting married and moving half a country away from my home of forty years, I've been reminded too many times to recall that it's her house, her bathroom (which she doesn't want me using), her kids room (which is the one I sleep in because she lost custody of her children and they're not with us) because I sleep to akward or move too much when I sleep with her so I'm constantly awakened to loud outburst. Usually, I just go to her kids room to sleep and I've been thrown out of the house over seven times in seven weeks.  Last night, or better early this morning, I had two bottles of freezing water dumped on me, in bed.  She threw my wireless computer keyboard and hit me.  Continually used an instrument to open my locked door so she could turn on the lights so I couldn't go to sleep and all because she wanted me to tell her if our relationship was "over".  After I was hit with the keyboard, I threatened to call the police whom I have visited once already because I just wanted to know my rights...if in fact she could just throw me out of the house whenever she has her moments which have been often in the seven weeks we've been married.  She frequently calls what she does playing when she's not irate and pinches me extremely hard which leaves bruises on my arms and chest.  If I complain about the pain or the bruises she leaves, she says I whine or that it doesn't really hurt.  I have fingernail cuts on my wrists and my arms which she thinks is funny, but I'm so tired of it...and it hurts like hell.  I finally picked up the phone to call the local police this morning because I had had enough and she ran and grabbed another phone and dialed 911...the police came and she said it was a misdial...at 1:30am.  I've never seen the look of hatred in someone's eyes like I saw last night.  She has not gone to her office in over seven days to work...in seven weeks, she's missed over two weeks of work, or more.  I gave up counting last week, but under no circumstances do you ask her why.  She says she's sick in the morning or doesn't feel good but by 1pm, she's getting dressed to "get outta the house" which constitutes trips to the mall, three or four times a week or wherever she wants us to go...the sickness then seems to have left her that she had in the morning...I don't understand what she is doing.  Three weeks ago, I went home to visit my parents for three days and she says she'll charge me with abandonment if I go again.  I need someone's help.  I haven't yet contacted an attorney, only a local minister and the police.  I did not file anything with the PD, I just wanted someone to know what was happening just in case.  I can't take much more...please?

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 5/1/2008 7:05 AM (GMT -7)   

Welcome to HealingWell and to our board. I'm sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds unbearable. Frankly, I can't imagine why you would want to stay in a situation like that. Your wife does sound like she's at least having a manic episode if not a mixed episode (both depressed and manic at the same time, which is pure hell -- believe me) but that is no excuse for abusing another person the way she is abusing you. I definitely think it's time to contact an attorney. You can't fix this person -- she needs medical help and she's not complying with her doctor's orders. I'm really sorry to hear it.

Good luck,
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 5/2/2008 10:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Distressed,
Welcome to HealingWell. I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. Your wife needs to be taken back to her doctor or if where you live-check to see if they have a lifeline place at a hospital that you can talk to. They can help her. Just like Serafena said your wife is having a mixed episode and will take all the rage and hate out on you. Please consider talking with her doctor because at this time she does not know something is wrong.


loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 5/2/2008 1:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Distressed, I will share with you that after being a wife to a BP for 16 1/2 years....I would not stay with my H if that were the level of abuse going on. Just one of the scenarios that you mentioned would be enough to get me to walk if he did not IMMEDIATELY go to the doctor or take his medication or hospitalize himself to get under control. So...in your case your spouse does not seem to want to do either....So the choice you are left with is...put up with it, or leave. If I were you....given you have been married such a short time...I'd leave. I do not say this to be hurtful, just to acknowledge you sound in a no win situation, and everyday you stay, you waste getting a day closer to having a life you deserve. Love between you can NOT exist in an environment like this - even if it were to only last short term - it would kill it off and plant resentment instead. This kind of behavior NO ONE deserves, and even in a mixed state....if a person wanted to not be like that...they would seek help...they'd accept feedback that something is WAY off, and get help...see, it all leads back to getting help, and a person wants it or not. Apparently she doesn't. Not even her kids were apparently important enough for her to seek the help she so desperately needs. I say that as not judgment, but information for you to look at in making your decision of what to do for you. If she hasn't sought help for herself OR because of her kids...what makes you think you will suddenly be the catalyst to evoke the needed change for her? It must be a very sad situation for you. I am sorry. Best wishes to you Distressed, this is no life for anyone to have to live with...LFW

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1441
   Posted 5/2/2008 4:49 PM (GMT -7)   

Welcome Distressed,

I hope you take all of our advise into deep consideration. We all have bi-polar and are working hard to keep ourselves in a healthy place or there are people here who are like you and are married or in a relationship with someone who has bipolar. We are here to help you.

In my opinion and as others have already mention to you is that you need to get your wife some serious help. You need to contact the doctor that is prescribing the medication to her and tell them exactly what is taking place. They will direct you on what you need to do.

After that you have to demand that she starts to take her illness seriously and get herself some help and continue to keep it up or you will leave. Tell her you will not tolerate that type of behavior anymore and that NOBODY deserves that type of treatment.

If she starts to manipulate you in anyway and put this on you, (which will most likely happen) you have to take a stand and leave to keep yourself healthy. Don't put yourself through this. When most bipolars are unmedicated and not consistant with their medications and appointments/treatment plan, life will literally be hell for you. You need to confront her with this ultimatum. It would be in the best interest for YOU and her.

Best wishes.

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