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New Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 5/6/2008 10:39 PM (GMT -7)   
i am 27,live with parents now a days as lost job (as laid off) since 3months ,i am separated as my Bipolar hubby is abusive and cruel,now situation is my parents get on my nerves ,no job and i don't want to join hubby ever,what can i do.

my parents want me to reconcile and live with him and be happy?

how can i tell them what i think.looks like i am burden on them so they want to get rid of me.

no money,no husband ,no parents i feel like loser and going mad?

what can i do


Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 5/7/2008 8:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Lilac77,

Welcome to HealingWell. I hope we can be of some help to you.

If your husband was abusive and cruel, and you don't want to go back, that should be the end of the discussion. Surely your parents don't want you to live with an abusive husband? Do they understand the details of the situation? Do you need to be more frank with them?

Are you depressed? Have you seen a therapist of your own? These kinds of life changes are hard to process and deal with and you sound down. Are you just down or are you unable to motivate yourself to take care of yourself? Have you applied for jobs? Are you out looking for work every day or are you staying at home? How well are you dealing with your separation? I'm not trying to be nosy, these are the questions you might ask yourself: if you're depressed, it might help to see a therapist while you're getting back on your feet.

I'm sorry to hear about your job, but something's bound to come along. I would mark this your first priority. Have you considered temping until you found something more permanant?

You're certainly not a loser and I seriously doubt you're going mad. You're just having a bad patch. Everyone has them at times. If your parents have stopped being sympathetic, then it's time to look elsewhere for for help. Have you applied for unemployment? I know it's not enough to live on, but it might be enough to help share the rent with a friend for a little while.

Hope this was helpful,

Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 5/7/2008 9:12 AM (GMT -7)   
What you can do is recognize that you are in a transitional period in your journey. lost a job, and that feels lousy. But what you can do is work to go get a new one. IF you are feeling that your parents feel you are a burden...take a look at some of your own behavior presently and see if some of it could be perceived as burdensome - be honest with yourself and then work to change that. It of course would not be deliberate on your part I am sure, but if your H was abusive - you most likely got into a pattern of living was a necessity then, but perhaps not now. Sit down and have a heart to heart with your parents and share with them the truth of what your life with your BP spouse was like, ask them their input as to what they think you should do pro actively to "get back on your feet" - other than return to him (as that is not an option). Make it clear that the last thing you want to be is a burden to them, and then ask them what you can do for them that would make having you back home a pleasant and positive thing for them as well. Ask what you can do to give back to them for their kindness in allowing you to come back home during this difficult transition time. At 27, you are mature enough to handle this as an adult. This is what an adult would do.

Now, I know realistically that when any of us "go back home" it is easy to fall into the petulant child feeling....Heck, I love my mom, but one hour at her place and I feel 15 again. point...I have to get very conscious about my own behavior and prevent myself from behaving that way. I have to consciously bring forth my "adult" mature self when I go there, or when I am with her for any length of time. I do not say it is always easy, but I am a grown up too, and when I allow it - she is also one of my dearest friends and stanchest supporters. I also have to accept my mom/parents for who they are and recognize they are no more perfect than myself, I can also recognize that I can LOVE them anyway...just the way they are. That does not mean I can't communicate when they do something I don't appreciate, or would like to see different. But HOW I share my feelings about things is what matters. Dumping is not acceptable. Conscious mature communication that comes from an honest and appreciative state for all they are IS.

You are not a looser, just a woman going through a rough period and there is light at the end of the tunnel if you turn on your flashlight. I will be honest and share that speaking with a therapist at during this period would also be a supportive step for you so you can sort through the world of feelings I am sure you are experiencing. Good luck to you. LFW

Post Edited (loving frustrated wife) : 5/7/2008 11:13:25 PM (GMT-6)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1441
   Posted 5/7/2008 9:46 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Lilac,

Welcome aboard. I just want to let you know that I've been reading along and I support the last two responses that you have received. I really don't have anymore to add besides that I wish you well and hope you are able to incorporate some of the suggestions given into you life.

I really hope things get better for you.

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