i do exactly the same thing as you. i find it very painful. i don't work anymore (i am permanently disabled with chronic debilitating back pain), so i don't even have the outlet of my co-workers as an outlet. i actually miss those times, talking with my boss who was a physicist and a space pioneer talking about the early days of space exploration and how quantum physics tends to support many of my beliefs about metaphysics.
now there's just my wife, my cat, and the lump of a dog that we share with our daughter. my wife and i used to talk all of the time when i was working - of course i was usually home only about 3 days out of 5 for the first 25 years of our marriage. then we were alone. TOGETHER. we weren't horny teenagers, so we looked for other ways to "kindle" the light of our relationship. it was difficult. i had one major manic flareup about 20 yrs ago which almost separated us for good. fortunately, she is a better person than i am and chose to continue to have a relationship with me. frankly, after that episode i probably would have made another decision. no explaining love, is there? at least i'm blessed by being lucky in love!
my wife and i still argue and fight. she knows when my depression is getting worse and helps me with it. she also can anticipate a manic episode and help bring me down. she has kept me out of the hospital more times than i can count by being patient, loving, and, on many occasions, a real *****! we have a control problem. when i was working i was almost always "the boss" and had discretionary power over my people and their work. the main constraint was that there are "set" procedures or ways of handling various systems developments. when i had to improvise because we past the "state of the art," i figured it out and "darned be he who would say hold, enough!" (Hamlet, Act 5, sc.4?) i can intimidate almost anyone with a look or a few well-chosen words. i had one company Director, my boss, after a tirade argument, tell me that no one had spoken to him like that since his daddy." I said, "you hadn't hired me and had the misfortune of crossing my decisions until now." but i cannot intimidate my wife! she just knows me too well! i managed to get to her once after she attacked me too viciously. she never lets me forget the hurtful words i said back in self-defence. i also realize that i have chronic depression and bp and that i take some very heavy duty pain medication. this combination, alone, fuzzes up my brain so that i can't think clearly. i also found out last week that i have severe sleep apnea and have been suffering from oxygen deprivation all of my life. no wonder that i sometimes explode!
i've given you a mind dump in the hopes that some of it may be applicable to your situation and may be of some help to you. i've learned that you and i may want to live without people. but we can't.
That light at the end of he tunnel? It's an on-coming train.