I want to scream

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Ne Ne
Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 243
   Posted 6/7/2008 5:24 AM (GMT -7)   
It seems like my life is falling apart and I'm the only one who can see it. I just want to run somewhere don't know where though. I've been having anxiety attacks that I never knew I had , I feel like I could crawl out of my skin. I can't tell my family they just don't understand. I just want to sit and cry all day.But, I keep it all in. There are times I feel like I could just go puff, and blow up. I've been going to my therapist and one time she said I was bipolar, the next time she asked me why I said I was bipolar, but she would have to agree. This last time I went she asked me why I thought I was bipolar. I'm so confused. I go to see a psychiatrist on the 11th so, he can put me on something. Maybe he has to make the real diagnoses, I don't know but I feel like a a......s right now. In the past they just said I was depressed. I'm having a lot of the same feelings I've had then. Most of the time I've just dealt with how I feel. But in the past I've had to take things. I want to roll up into a little ball and just disappear. It would make life so much easier. I feel like I'm a burden to my family. I can't seem to get them to understand that I just can stop thinking, or worrying, about things. I'm so sick of living and having to deal with all the problems, I'm sick of being the strong one . I've always pretend to be someone I'm not, but right now I can't seem to hold up my mask anymore. I have a great family and I've never let them see me like this but, I can't hide it anymore now their getting to now. When they were younger they didn't understand and so, if I was down they just left me alone ( I was no fun then ) so, it was ease for me to live with my rose color glasses on, in my own little world. I'm getting help and I know I need the help but that to makes me feel like a burden to my family. With having crohn's and now this my life is going into the toilet and, I can't seem to stop it..

49 Female
Dx June 07 Crohn's take asacol 2x3 a day , entcort 1x2 day ,lotrel for HBP , omeprezole for stomach , potassium , one a day crohn's & colitis therapy , calcium & Vit D , lomotil for lose stools , tramadol for pain , started humira in Feb 08
Dx Bipolar May 08

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 6/7/2008 6:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Dawn,

You poor thing, you sound really miserable right now. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time of it. Everything isn't really as bad as all that. You're family doesn't understand anything if you don't tell them. You have to take a chance to let them learn a bit about you and explain what's going on with you and why you need a little extra time to yourself right now. Will your husband/the kids' father pick up the slack for you?

Do you have medication for the anxiety attacks? everyone thinks anxiety is no big deal, but it's really debilitating, it can really do you in. So don't wait for it to get worse. If you haven't yet talked to your doctor about the worrying and anxiety and crying, then do so ASAP. They will give you some meds to help get that under control.

The diagnosis between depression and bipolar is a tricky one sometimes because there are different levels of bipolar. There's bipolar II which looks a lot like depression, in which the mania looks like anger and anxiety. So it really takes a trained doctor to diagnose it. That's especially clear since your therapist didn't even remember saying it to you! Bipolar patients need medication and treatment and if she meant to tell you you were bipolar she should have followed that up with some advice on how to proceed. My advice would be to make an appointment with a psychiatrist -- get a real diagnosis -- and get on a treatment plan for whatever your diagnosis is. You know anxiety is part of it, and you'll need to get treated for that, so it won't hurt to talk about this other question as well.

Take care,
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

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