I am in pieces and tears, help me

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Regular Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 163
   Posted 6/12/2008 6:08 AM (GMT -7)   
I am in pieces today.  Yesterday I took my baby to infant library reading time and did fine.  Then went to the mall to walk around for exercise and lost it.  I made it to my mom's house and collapsed in her bed.  I took so much ativan yesterday to calm myself that it wasn't even working.  I still didn't take enough of a dosage to hurt my unborn baby though.  Then this morning my dh and I argued over my bad condition.  I thought he was so supportive but now he says that something has to happen.  He was one of the main ones who didn't want me to go back on Tegretol but now he is pushing me to.  It just seems like everytime I need to go to bed to rest he gets upset over it saying that my daughter needs me.  Yes, she does but I also need to rest and sleep because that helps me the most.  For two days now, except yesterday morning, I have slept alot.  He has taken care of our daughter when he gets home from work in the evenings relinquishing my mother.  He acted all mad this morning.  I told him that I felt like he doesn't understand anymore but he said that he is just thinking of our child and that he wants his wife back.  This is the first episode in several weeks now other than the migraine episodes.  So I guess it seems like a lot has been going on to keep me at bay from my family.  I am going to my PDOC at 2:00; they had a cancelation.  Without my dh support I feel totally alone.  Totally.  I can't stop crying; it is all that I can do.  I feel desperate.  I guess I just may have to break down and go back on Tegretol but I could never live with myself if something happened to my unborn son.  God help me.  I just want to fall asleep and wake up in another world.  I feel abandoned by dh and left with no one.
"I'm not crazy; I'm just a little unwell."  Matchbox Twenty

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 6/12/2008 10:08 AM (GMT -7)   
I don't know if you want to hear supportive talk about why the tegretol might just be the right thing to do, so I won't say so, unless you tell me to, but I do think your husband has a point. You seem like you're in so much pain, and it hurts to hear you struggle so. I'm sorry you feel ganged up on, though. That can't be good. But he does still support you. He got angry at you, yes, but in his heart he is really just concerned for you and worried about you. I'm glad they fit you in at the pdoc so quickly. Good luck today and let us know how it goes.

Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

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