Hello everyone. I'm looking for some sage advice. I'm new here and apologize for such a complicated and lengthly post.
I'm 51 yo bipolar on Soc Sec disability from work. Left brain functions shut down after reducing lithium about three years ago. Have been mostly stable off and on trying various meds, and most brain function has returned to some degree. I would say my brain functions like a beginning stage alzheimer's patient.
My 26yo son also has mental health issues... Sketchy medical evals range from adhd to bipolar. He has been married five years and has two daughters, 3 and 5. Herein lies the crux of the problems.
Due to the many many many problems brought on by unmedicated bipolar, specifically keeping a job, home, Child Protective Services has taken custody of these two precious girls. The wife's mother keeps the five year old, and I have kept the three year old off and on, with her mother keeping her when she can keep an apt. Since my son hasn't complied with their steps to take, he may only see the girls at CPS. Now the mother the same.
In less than two months, I will be asked to keep Hailey (3yo) permanently. This is where I need your help.
Money huge issue. I'm on SS and cannot work. I can't afford clothes for myself. Really.
In the last year, I have divorced my husband, moved south, and had to return when Hailey's mother couldn't keep her. My husband and I are reconciled.
My husband (legally ex) is adamantly against taking guardianship of her (as are my and his parents.)
I cannot raise Hailey without him for many reasons.
My husband has ptsd and without medication, absolutely no one can live with him. He takes neurontin for anxiety, but sometimes hit or miss. It is not time release but is the only thing he will take (point being, opportunities everyday for outbursts.)
I cannot talk to him about this right now.
I seriously doubt my ability to see this through. Seriously.
It may be possible for mother's sister to keep her, but they are not financially stable. The other granmother cannot handle both girls and is very manipulative to keep only the 5yo..
Hailey (3yo)has mental health issues and will have a very hard time in school, with discipline, all the stuff that goes with adhd/bipolar...
If I don't keep her, I believe she will go to foster care. I don't know about her sister.
How will she feel if she goes to foster care when no one in the family was willing to take care of her? Remember her sister is being kept at the other grandmother's.
I haven't discussed this with CPS for fear they will go ahead and take her. I mentioned it briefly to the case worker recently because the time is near for permanency. I used the term “mental health issues”, not “bipolar”. She was in a hurry so...
She has no one to play with and I can't afford day care.
Guilt of not keeping her. This is a biggie for me as I have already been thru this with my son when I turned him over to his Dad when I was first diagnosed and very sick. I suffer despression everyday for this.
My mental health is not great. At times, she may be at risk from my brain lapses. I cannot see myself putting her thru school at times.
My husband and mother-in-law say that I simply can't do it. I really don't know how my son feels. His answer will be according to circumstances. He says I can't take long term care of her now but when it's time to look for foster parents...
No one cares about a kid more than family, esp parents and grandparents.
I am in tune with her mental health and am willing to work with all apects the best that I can.
The joy she brings.
Brings meaning to my life.
Helping hand (that is, if I can get her to do anything!!)
She's really cute!!
I'm sure there's more, but I think you get the idea. Any thoughts?
Thanks for any ideas.... Maryann