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Paranoid about getting new job

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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 7/9/2008 5:15 PM (GMT -7)
I have bipolar 2 and have been doing fairly well on a cocktail of meds. I am a teacher, although I have been out of it (raising my own kids) for about 20 years. I went back and got my certificate last December. Since then I have been subbing and I also long term subbed for a few months. I think I have been doing a good job.

I think I want to go back to teaching full time. I have been applying for jobs in the current district I am in. I haven't been called for an interview for most of them. I was called for one interview but not called back. I dress well and interview well...I am confident there.

I know that many of the jobs I applied for went to people already "in" the district. The job I interviewed for had eight other people interviewed. I guess they didn't like anyone because that job has been reposted.

When I did the full time sub job this past spring, I was able to get four good reference letters from people at the school. So that was a good thing as these are current people who know my work.

If I don't get a regular job I can always sub again. As a matter of fact, I went in yesterday to get my sub picture taken for my ID for next year. The sub director asked me if I would like to permanent sub again for a kindergarten or 1st grade. She had these open. I told her I was flattered, but I really couldn't do kids that young. I also told her I was hoping to find a full time regular job in the district. I told her I would be willing to consider a sub job for older kids. (3rd through 6th). She was very nice.

Plain subbing isn't too bad as I can work every day if I choose and not work if I don't feel well. But a regular job would be more money.

Many times in this district you can long term sub and then wind up getting a regular contract because the teacher you replace winds up quitting, etc. I have a regular certificate, not just a sub one, so I am somewhat desirable.

This sounds crazy, but I think sometimes I am being rejected because I am bipolar and people don't like me. But I know I am totally functional when on meds.

Any ideas for me? Thanks for reading.

Posted 7/9/2008 11:11 PM (GMT -7)
Congrats on getting your certificate and getting back into the workforce! That's a huge thing...I hope you're proud of yourself...especially after 20 years. Do the people you're applying to know you have bipolar disorder? If they don't there's no way that's why you haven't been hired yet and I'm sure it's not because they don't like you. I'm on disability, been on it for four years now and I've tried getting part time jobs and I know in my experience I've been turned down because I've been out of work so long. Since you were raising a family though you have a pretty good excuse and most people don't look down on that. Anyway keep your chin up and keep pushing forward. I hope something comes your way soon...keep us updated!
Posted 7/10/2008 7:38 AM (GMT -7)
Thanks a lot, closure, for the kind words. I will keep my chin up.

Some days like today...I think just subbing may be the right thing. I do have a hard time getting going in the morning. This whole thing may be fate's way of telling me something, who knows?

And no, I don't think anyone knows I am bipolar.

Thanks for replying.:)
Posted 7/10/2008 8:43 AM (GMT -7)
Hi Marthamae,

My BP fiance is on a working cocktail as well and although the meds are effective, he still felt personally rejected when not chosen for a position (he has since obtained a full-time job, fingers crossed it works out!). We've learned (through therapy, etc) that he's sensitive to stressors and a job hunt is certainly a source of stress. Although the meds keep him stable, the illness that lies beneath manifests itself during stressful situations like a job search and causes those feelings of personal rejection to surface. He's working at his own coping skills to soothe himself when these feelings arise (reminding himself that it's not personal, it's just business, etc.)...but I think it's important to stress that you're not crazy! Job hunting is stressful IN GENERAL, FOR EVERYONE, but you (and my fiance) have the added bonus of an illness that hyper-sensitizes you to this stress. Keep hunting, I'm sure you'll find the right fit. Congratulations on re-entering the job market!
Posted 7/10/2008 12:26 PM (GMT -7)
Diskus,

Thanks for your really relevant post. I DO tend to forget that I am not the only one out there with feelings. Yes, a job hunt is stressful and sometimes demeaning for anyone. And just like your fiance', my self-worth is ultra-sensitive.

I think you are right also about the fact that just because I am functioning well on the surface does not mean I am totally fine. Having gone through the hell of many bipolar episodes I am always somewhat fragile and waiting for that next shoe to drop. I know in my head that I am a lucky person...there are many good things in my life....but I always dread what may come next. It's a crappy way to live.

It really helps to come here and talk with people who understand. Thanks for all input:)
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