hello everyone! i stumbled across this message board and it's really scary for me to reach out but ... here i go *takes a deep breath* .....
i've been struggling with this disorder all of my life. it took doctors YEARS to pin down what was 'wrong' with me. as a child i used to hide under my bed and bang my head on the floorboards for hours, social anxiety, agoraphobia, ocd, depression, you name it ... so they knew i wasn't quite 'right'. they usually blamed it on my home life or raging hormones. :p
i began drinking at 9 years of age, 'self medicating' at the age of 22, sobered up at 32, and began 'legally medicating' two years ago, at 35. honestly the past two years have been just as crazy as all those years on bad things, but hopefully i'm on the right track now! i'm involved with yoga (love) and talk therapy (blah). blah because it seems like my therapists change every couple of months and their answer for everything is always for me to go out and meet "mr. right" ... heck, i'd like to learn how to stop driving *myself* crazy before i drive someone else crazy again (like i've done to every poor sucker in the past). ;)
right now i'm on a lexapro, gabitril, and topamax cocktail. the lexapro has caused me to put on 20 pounds that i can't shake and it's made me more depressed than ever. :(
i won't bore you with my long life story of homelessness, agoraphobia, obsessions, black-outs, drug addiction, schitzophrenia, weeks spent in bed sobbing or screaming, abusive relationships, on and on .... i just want this craziness to level the heck out, you know?? i'm finally holding down an 8-5 job and am living on my own for the first time in my life (without the support of the male species, which is why i'm not anxious to get involved with a guy again for awhile) ... ok sorry, i said i wouldn't bore you!! :)
thanks for reading my rambling. :)