I am new to this forum, and forums in general, so not sure if I should put an intro or what. I guess I'll just explain my issue.
I am 24 years old, almos 25, and about a year and a half ago I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and placed on medication. This was very strange for me because I hate taking meds for stuff! I have ADHD and have lived my whole life without medication so I didn't understand why all of a sudden I couldn't live without these pills. They put me on (excuse the spelling) trileptal and klonapan. My husband and I decided to have our first baby so I got off the medication because I was told in no uncertain terms could I be on them while pregnant. I had no idea what to expect as I've never had children before, and I don't know anyone who has had children that was also bipolar. The whole time I was pregnant my mood swings were very bad, and the depresion got extremely bad, it was hard to go to work and a lot of days I couldn't get out of bed. I chalked this up to being pregnant, but I had my son 6 weeks ago and now it's even worse. Most days the depression is so bad it's almost unbearable, the only thing keeping me going right now is knowing that I have to stick it out for my baby. I have to go back to work on Monday, and in fact am starting a new job, and I have no idea how to handle it. I'm sure I should get back on medication but I have neither the time nor the money to do so as I will have to find a new doctor because the one I was going to moved. I don't know if this is post-partum or what, but I am also crazy irritable. The smallest things set me off, and when I get mad I start shaking and just want to hit something. I have no idea what is wrong with me, I've never felt like this before. I'm hoping someone in here has gone through something similar and can give me some advice on what to do until I can get back on meds, or if I should get on them, or what.
My husband isn't any help, he has been weird since before the baby was born. He might even be part of the problem now that I think about it. He goes through cycles that are driving me emotionally crazy because he'll be amazingly sweet - cook me breakfast in bed, tell me sweet things, just hold me for a few minutes; but then he changes and gets very short with me and kind of mean, and when I try to talk to him about what's going on he just sits there and stares at me and then when I'm done goes on with his life like I didn't tell him anything, doesn't try to help or anyting. It makes me feel horrible for even telling him anything, like I"m a burden.
It's possible that I'm overreacting to things but I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do, and I'm afraid it's going to jeapardize my son. If anyone has any ideas please help!