Cardsfan51, from the perspective of a spouse to a BP, and the mother to another - my best sage input for you is to recognize that certain things should be non-negotiable for you. Taking meds religiously, seeing pdoc regularly, seeing therapist weekly...without these things happening, she is playing at wellness. The right meds should give her control back about behaviors to a large degree…they don’t take away feelings. The symptoms will NEVER be fully gone, but her coping skills with them, her ability to regulate herself will be in her hands more. The fact is, BP, is a part of your life, and hers too. If your spouse is being irresponsible about it, she will not be the only one damaged by it. You will too, and that is not acceptable. So, as the spouse you must demand certain things, and those are the things listed above. YOU should also take a far more active role on her wellness team. If she won't allow it, you have a problem right there. You should have full access to speak to her docs and share what you see. Occasionally go to her appointments with her...etc. That does NOT mean you are taking over, just being on the same team supporting the greatest level of wellness your wife can achieve for BOTH your lives. Without at least this level of cooperation from her, what your life is right now is how it will forever be, and you must decide if this is the life YOU want for you. We BP spouses tend to forget that we count JUST as much as they do.
Good luck, welcome and remember, we're here to support you in your journey. LFW