As many of you have said, being the spouse of someone who is bipolar is not an easy thing. My wife and I have been together for almost seven years, married two. I knew from day one she was bipolar, but she stays on her meds and visits the doctor when she needs to. She's rarely angry, not abusive, and is truly a very strong, good person. I am also chronically depressed, medicated, and obsessive compulsive. For the past few years, my wife has gone through very depressed phases, the occassional mania, but most of the time she is just in a "blah", indifferent state. Before we got married, I thought part of that was the stress of college and the constant fear that she would never graduate. I figured once we were married and in our own home, she'd return to the interesting, passionate person she was for the first few years of the relationship. Still, here we are, settled down, and that woman has yet to return; I'm beginning to wonder if who she was at the time was the result of her medication. These days, she spends most of her time sleeping or sitting in front of the television, essentially doing nothing. I'm one of those people who likes to keep busy. She has this perpetual indifference to everything. Occassionally she shows interest in something, but not often, and it especially hurts when she has no interest in me and flat out tells me this is the case. Our sex life is sporadic at best. I get so jealous of other couples that are affectionate and at least look happy. I know part of it is her meds, I know part of it is the depression. Still, I feel alone, left by the wayside. There's no passion in the relationship, nor is there a partnership. I feel like I'm doing everything - cleaning, cooking, picking up after her, paying the majority of the bills, etc. I'm just flat out tired, I can't keep up with this pace. Sometimes she acknowledges the things I do, shows some interest, but those moments are few and far between. I try my best to keep her happy, to take care of her, but I get frustrated and angry sometimes - who is taking care of me, who wants me to be happy, why can't she make a decision for once, why does she have to sleep all the time? A few months back we talked about all of this, about some changes I needed to be made, that I needed her to at least make an effort to help me out, and if there was anything I needed to change. I feel like a selfish jerk sometimes - I want to be happy, to have some affection, to be married to my best friend, for her to make me laugh and comfort me when I'm feeling like crap. I keep a lot of things bottled up because I don't want to hurt her or cause her distress, but I feel like I'm going to explode. After we talked a few months ago, things got a little better, but not long after, she sank into another depressive state. They seem to get worse every time. For the last three weekends, she has been talking about suicide. In the back of my mind, and I know how terrible this sounds, I want to say "just do it and get it over with". Needless to say, I can't and won't ever say such a thing, but this is becoming more than I can bear. I get scared thinking about our future - is this the way it's going to be for the rest of my life? And what if we have kids? How is she possibly going to get through the pregnancy with no meds? If she treats me this way now, how will she treat a child? Am I going to have to worry everytime she's with the child? We both want kids, but I don't know if it's such a good idea for us. I guess I'm not sure if the whole marriage is a good idea for us. I feel terrible saying it, feel like a coward, but I just want out of this. It's just too much for me to handle. The last thing in the world I want to do is hurt her, but I just don't feel in love with her like I used to, and I don't feel like this marriage is going to be worthwhile. The only thing that has stopped me from ending it is the fear that she'll try and hurt herself if I tell her I want to end the marriage. Sometimes I feel like the only reason we're married, at least for her, is for comfort and stability, and without me in the picture, that all goes out the door. I don't want her to do something like that, but I can't stand being alone in this marriage anymore. If you have any advice or thoughts, I'd love to hear them, feeling pretty lost right now. Thanks for reading.