This morning's breakdown

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Regular Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 163
   Posted 8/8/2008 1:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Well, today is another depressed day and I went to see my ob yesterday for a check-up and he and the nurses noticed how I really wasn't myself.  My ob told me to call my pdoc today and I did and he was out of the office.  So I panicked.  I was already crying like crazy and I called my ob as he said to if I couldn't reach my pdoc.  He wanted to put me in the hospital.  Well, that made me more hysterical; I couldn't leave my one year old daughter nor my husband even though I knew/know that is the best thing for me to do.  I told him that I wanted to talk with my family first.  In the meantime, I called the on-call pdoc and demanded that he get me in touch with my pdoc right away.  Luckily, my pdoc called me back in like ten minutes time.  We talked and I told him about my last four days and all the Ativan I had taken and how I was concerned for my unborn child getting addicted to it.  I had only taken it three, four at the most times a day and it works for a couple of hours then I am at square one again crying.  So he upped the dosage of my tegretol, told me not to worry about the Ativan to keep taking it as needed because I was safe (I hadn't taken it 7 or 8 times a day for 7 days or more) and to come see him Monday morning.  So I called my ob back and told him the news and he was relieved that I had gotten in touch with my pdoc.  I just didn't want to see whoever was on call at the hospital; I wanted my pdoc.  I have slept most of the day; it is 3:00 pm right now.  I still feel so detached and lost in space; so depressed and so hopeless.  I increased my noon meds already but can't tell a difference yet; it takes time.
My mom and dad are helping take care of my baby and I just miss her so very much.  It shows with her too.  She is clingy when I am around and it breaks my heart to see her hurt too.  It hurts me so bad that I am in this dark place right now and cannot spend time with her.  But I know that I have to take care of me and my unborn son.  I am so torn and twisted up inside over this that it makes me feel so much worse.  I pray that tomorrow will be a much better day for me and I will feel at least a little better.  Here I go crying again.
I hope all of you are in a good place today.
"I'm not crazy; I'm just a little unwell."  Matchbox Twenty

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 136
   Posted 8/8/2008 1:45 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry things are so bad for you right now. Hopefully the increase in the meds will help you. I know that you really miss your daughter but as you said, you have to take care of yourself first or else you won't be able to take care of her. Hang in there.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 471
   Posted 8/8/2008 1:48 PM (GMT -7)   
sorry you are having a rough time...this week was a horrible week for me, but I'm finally coming out of it. so there is hope for you...know this will pass. stay strong. *hugs*
27 female
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, acid reflux, and in the process of being diagnosed with either crohns, colitis, or even lupus...who knows really! the docs sure don't lol. Now possibly even celiacs disease!Lots of tests coming up so hopefully I'll know more soon. Too many meds to list!

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 45
   Posted 8/8/2008 8:28 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm so sorry! It is hard to have to be away from your baby and worry about the unborn one, even without all of the other you are dealing with. I hope they are able to help you more on Monday. Please, take care, and take care of you and this baby- the toddlers are really resilient. I'm sure we mommies have more separation anxiety than they do!
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