I totally understand how you feel, I too have tired to alcohol in the past when the going gets tough. It made me feel good for a while, but it masked my true feelings. In the end I was hurting really bad and no one wanted to be aroiund me. I was irritable, severely depressed, had major rage and sudden outbursts, I hated everyone around me to the point that even my family stopped talking to me. But I took charge and worked hard to turn my life around and tried to mend the broken relationships. It was not easy at all, and not everything was perfect in the end. Actually it was quite the opposite, I lost some friends in the process, but I found myself again.
Please don't give up on yourself, but try to work with your therapist on coping skills. Like what can you do when things get tough to help you handle the situation instead of drinking. What positive things can you do to keep you from spiraling downwards?
One thing you can do when things have calmed down a little bit is to talk with your friends and try to mend your relationships.
There are also hotlines that you can call when you need to talk to someone, here are a few:
National Suicide Hotline 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)This is a combined network of the Amerian Association of Suicidology, the National Hopeline Network, CONTACT USA, and many other organizations. Call are automatically routed to the nearest crisis center to the phone from which the call for help is placed.Helpful Web Sites:Suicide Hotlines (listed by state)Suicidal.com (includes Suicide Crisis Center and Depression and Suicide)