Hi everyone looking for some understanding

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

New Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 8/29/2008 6:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone! What a wonderful forum. I'm looking for some answers i guess. From reading some of the other posts from spouses who have a bi-polar loved one, i can relate to much of it. I guess for me i feel guilty for leaving my husband who is bi-polar. Let me start off with a little info. We have been married for 4 years. We have 3 wonderful children together. I also did not fully know that he was dignosed with bi-polar untill about two years after our marriage. He had mentioned something about a week long hospital stay a couple years ago..before we met but it was very vague. Looking back i should of asked more questions, hindsights 20/20. Anway he would drink,he would verbal abuse me saying that he oughta hit me if front of our son and etc. Call 900 number...he never physically cheated on me but i don't mean to step on anyones toes but i consider 900 numbers a form of cheating. Last year it was the depressive side..in and out of the mental unit at he hospital. I went back to work more then full-time while he was going through his breakdown. He would take the kids and go get beer behind my back. Pass out on the floor while he was suppose to be watching our 3 small children. Many times i would call..no answer ..so i would have the neighbors go over. The kids were soaked in urine..not fed..etc. I should of left then but i so wanted to be the perfect supportive wife and not give up. Anyone know what i mean?? Then this year it was a different story. He snapped on me..he physically assualted me..and then he forced himself on me. I took the kids and left the next morning. I feel like i have failed. He was taking too much of his meds. So now ..he is seeing  a top pscy. and seems to be getting his life straightened out. But he always starts cycling at the end of march..peaks in june and july..and then rest of the time he is half way normal..except for nov-jan. Thanks for listening.

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 8/29/2008 8:54 PM (GMT -7)   

Welcome to HealingWell and to the board.

I don't think you need to feel guilty at all. You have been put through the ringer and endured abuse. No one should allow themselves to be abused. You did the right thing by leaving. He wasn't parenting his children and he was abusing you. That's a deal breaker.

It's true that the disorder plays some part in causing all that chaos to happen for him, but he does have some self-determination left underneath the bipolar. Several of us on the board are married and we do not treat our spouses that way because we choose not to. That's not how we LET our disorder manifest itself. There is a small degree of responsibility available to your husband, and he's choosing to ignore it, despite your pleading. I'm sorry your marriage is crumbling, but it's good that he's getting professional help. Only professionals can help him now. If you're willing to wait for him to get stabilized and go back, then consider a separation, but I don't think you need to torture yourself over this. You are protecting yourself and your children. You have every right to do so.

Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Tuesday, November 21, 2017 3:01 AM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,896,108 posts in 317,870 threads.
View Active Threads

Who's Online
This forum has 157466 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, cobond.
253 Guest(s), 3 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
RedLabel, theHTreturns..., xy123

About Us | Advertise | Donate
Newsletter | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer
Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
©1996-2017 HealingWell.com LLC  All Rights Reserved.