maximizing stable period

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Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 9/10/2008 4:51 AM (GMT -7)   

Someone else posted about enjoying a stable period right now. 

I experienced a lovely, stable period from October 07 to March 08. 

The other post got me thinking about that and what I could've done differently to prolong this period, minimize destabilization, etc.  Tell me your thoughts.  What have you done that helped you stay stable, and what have you done that put you right back where you started?

Following a miscarriage and prolonged depression, I left a high paying job in Feb 07, after 3 1/2 years.  I had lost confidence in my ability to do the work anymore, and knew that above all else I needed a change.  I started a wonderful job where I loved my co-workers and the work I did.  I described it as a "respite" from the work I had been doing.  I was underpaid and underemployed according to my credentials.  After about a year, I had a great - too good to pass up - opportunity.

So, I started this new job (we'll call it #1) that was more flexible and allowed me to work from home at times, set my own schedule, etc.   How great would that be when I had a baby - that kind of flexibility and better compensation ?!  And I would be doing equally as good, meaninful work as my "respite" job.

When I say I started a new job, I also "started" two other jobs in addition within the next couple of months.  #1  / Main job is part-time , 20-25 hours / week (when I'm disciplined and organized enough to do the whole 20-25 hours).   #2 and #3 jobs are PRN or as needed work - I can work a shift or two a month if I want, fill in for full time staff's vacation, sick days, etc.

In the Spring I also started getting off of some meds (under doctors' care) to try and get pregnant.

This has all been too much change at one time.  I used to moonlight here and there to supplement my meager social services salary, so it only seemed natural to get a couple of PRN gigs to supplement my income now, while I can, before I have a child.  I used to be able to catch on quickly to things.  And I've  I've done the same kind of work on and off for 10 years too - for the two PRN jobs, I would had to learn different procedures and personalities, but that was it.

I have so much anxiety about going to work these days - particularly at #2 job -it's very busy there and hectic, which I've usually done fine with  - especially when just working a shift or two now and then.  But now, I can't remember what I'm supposed to do. I get confused, forget paperwork, have to walk back and forth to different offices b/c I've forgotten something.  I need more training than I expected to need, or usually need.

I've taken a "break" from that job but am scared about going back in a couple of weeks b/c scared I can't do the work. Embarassed too. I'm working with colleagues from several years ago as well as young, sharp professionals. I think that the newer ones at least have got to "see through me" -i.e, that "she can't seem to get it, can't think, or just "ain't right.'"  I know this can sound paranoid, but it's what's up there and I know I've thought that before about co-workers.  You just listen and watch and naturally form a judgment of their work.  Re the colleagues I 've known for years - they seem more likely to say that I took on so much at one time, or it's been a while since I've worked there so I have to learn a lot of new stuff due to so many changes, etc.  But I know differently - I know that my brain isn't working right, and isn't working as well as it has before.  I know that while I've always been disorganized, scattered, etc., I've never had this much trouble w/ my short term memory.

So, whether or not I would've had a mood swing so low again, I can't predict.  Had I not started three different jobs and changed my meds and tried to get pregnant all at the same time, however, I wouldn't have as much change to cope with. I'd also have sick time, vacation time, etc., accruing at my "respite job."  And I'd have a history of doing good work there, so when I wasn't doing as well there'ed me more "good will" banked up I guess.

I'm not even really making the same $ although I'm getting paid more  / hour - b/c I'm not working enough. And it's not that I can't take more shifts - there is plenty of work for me to do.  I just feel like I can't do the work and feel horrible about myself when I do it poorly.

I am frustrated, but want to learn from this.

Anyone else have suggesions?


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