Why does this all have to happen?

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Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 9/15/2008 8:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi All
I usually try to be upbeat on this board, and really try to help those that are in bad situations. My problems are actually quite trivial and I feel guilty listing them here because I may appear insulting to some that have much larger trials than me. But I am struggling right now.
A while back, my wife and I moved to town because I could not keep up our place in the country and it was causing me too much stress. My wife went back to work as a nurse, I started a lawn mowing business. Everything was going great until I began to go into a depression for some reason a month ago. I never had much problems with depressives, manias were my problem. Doc changed my lithium dosage and added ativan, but no real help.
Then a 2 weeks ago I blew a stop sign and t-boned a lady in a civic. Hurt her really bad. Totaled my truck, my trailer came off and flipped, destroying all my yard equipment. I went put of control and ended up in jail again. Police checked my record and saw all the prior arrests I had and judge set my bond at $50,000. We didn't have $500 to bond me out, I went nuts in jail and ended up in the isolation cell. A neighbor loaned us the money to bond out, but I had to spend 2 days in jail.
My wife is trying to hold it all together. But just when things seem to be getting better, this disease rears its ugly head up again and snatches me back down. I am sick of it.
Well, thats it
I want "I wish I had one more day to spend at the office" on my tombstone.

I used to be crazy, but now I have enough money to be called eccentric.

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 9/15/2008 9:15 AM (GMT -7)   

I'm so sorry to hear about all this. What a terrible couple of weeks you've had. I wouldn't call these problems trivial! The stress of the situation clearly triggered you, and that's no surprise. It's unfortunate, but we just don't do that well under stress all the time. I think you're going to have to let go of some of your guilty feelings and try to focus on getting past the anxiety to get your moods back on track. Your meds will help, but you sound freaked out, and I would be too! But you need to get over that a bit to start getting past it.

Thank you for opening up to us.
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 9/17/2008 9:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Serafena

Thank you for your response. Things just keep going worse and worse. Too numerous to list here.

I have no energy. I do not want to leave the house. I go for a day or so without eating, then I binge on whatever I can find to eat. My wife is insiting that I go to the doctor again, but I think he will want me to be admitted again and I just really don't want to do that. Doctor gave me prozac but it gave me an upset stomach. A friend asked to to come out and stay with his family for a while, help him with some horses he just bought. But the way I've screwed things up lately I don't think that is a good idea.

You know, I don't really know what I want. So what kind of help can I get? I want to say I'm trying but I'm not. I've become a lethargic blob feeling sorry for myself. And I can't break out of it. I do like reaching out on this website because of all the caring people. If anyone has had a similar circumstance, please let me know what worked for you.


I want "I wish I had one more day to spend at the office" on my tombstone.

I used to be crazy, but now I have enough money to be called eccentric.

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 471
   Posted 9/17/2008 10:57 AM (GMT -7)   
oh my! Cap I am so sorry about all of this! like serafena said...none of this is remotely close to trivial. you have every right to be in a bad state and to post/ask for help about it. I don't have much advice at the moment...I'll look over this thread again when my head is a little clearer and maybe I'll be able to offer more. just wanted to send some hugs and give support right now. *hugs*
27 female
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, acid reflux, and in the process of being diagnosed with either crohns, colitis, or even lupus...who knows really! the docs sure don't lol. Now possibly even celiacs disease!Lots of tests coming up so hopefully I'll know more soon. Too many meds to list!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1441
   Posted 9/19/2008 6:15 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Cap,

Was thinkin about you today and wondering how your doin?

I agree with Serafena and Closure - you've certainly been through quite an ordeal! I think anyone would be seriously upset under the circumstances. But with bi-polar we don't seem to handle our stress in the same way and it can take us down big time.

Your wife really knows you best and I think you should really listen to her and at least to let the doctor know what you have been through and maybe get something to help you for a time. If you don't feel you want to be hospitalized tell him you'd like to hold off for a while and see if things better.

I think maybe taking your friend up on his offer to help out with his new horses might be a good idea right now to at least get your mind off of things and feel productive. It's worth a try. At this point you know the only way to come of out this is to at least try to put one foot in front of the other. And as our good friend Warren would say, you can't walk forward while kicking yourself in your behind with the other foot...something like that...lol. But it makes sense!

All my best to you. We are here for you. Please keep posting.

 Bipolar - August 2004
     Crohns disease - 1995 
Arthritis & Fibromyalgia 
Leo Buscaglia

Post Edited (sukay) : 9/19/2008 8:06:36 AM (GMT-6)

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