I need a friend! Unmedicated bipolar fiance. Please Read.

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New Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 9/16/2008 3:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone. I have been with my bipolar (now ex-fiance) for the last 3 years. We've known each other for 10 years and have been engaged for 2 years. He is not taking meds for his illness. We were supposed to have been married this last Saturday, but he threw me out of his life once again a month and a half ago. I have supported and loved him for such a long time and even after all he has put me through, in my heart, I know he loves me too.
Since we have been apart, he has been excessively drinking and gambling. He's also had unprotected sex. It's like he reaches a point in our relationship where he craves all of this negativity. While he has been away, I have given him his space. However, I have sent an occasional, "I care about you. I love you." You see, I have a lot invested in this relationship. I have helped raise his son that I absolutely adore and his family really loves me.
Well, last week, I received a phone call from him, asking me to meet him for lunch. Of course, I agree and really want to see him. I got there and he looked very unhealthy. I noticed things that I never have seen him do. As he ate, he was shaking. He had a hard look to his face, like he had been drinking a lot this last month. He told me he had missed me and he wanted to really try to work things out, but take them slow. He told me I am the best he could do and he is very sorry about everything he has put me through. He also wanted to start going to counseling.
I accepted his apology. However, we did not take things slow. He started to get upset with me for wanting to take things slow. I'd invite him over for dinner (I am living elsewhere, since he had kicked me out.) because I wanted to make sure he was taking care of himself. Then he started talking all this crazy stuff again...that we should just wait a month before really trying to work things out or just see each other when we want to see each other and leave it at that. He told me there was a slim chance one of the girls he has known not even a month might be pregnant. Of course, I was very upset over it, but I let him know that I still care about him and did not feel like talking about it at this time.
Then, he started talking about getting married again. He really started putting me down  I have lost 45 pounds in 2 months from being so stressed. He said he missed the way I used to look.
The next day, he called me on his lunch break break and sounded happy to hear me. I asked him a question that completely set him off. I asked, "Do you love me because you want me in your life or because I am good for you and your family cares about me?" He said, "I can't believe I wanted to get back together with you. This isn't going to work. Leave me alone forever and I'll leave you alone." Then, he said I love you and bye.
I called him back and he said, "Don't you think I am trying to push you away because I love you enough to leave?"
He has left me before and come back. I know I have a lot to work on in making myself healthy again. I still love this man. Is this typical unmedicated bipolar behavior? What is he really thinking? Does he love me? Please help!

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 471
   Posted 9/16/2008 11:33 PM (GMT -7)   
this is a tough one. I can't speak for all unmedicated bipolars since I'm not one, but some of those behaviors are symptoms of bipolar especially when it's untreated. does that mean you should accept it...NO! the only thing I could relate to your fiance on is when he said...

"Don't you think I am trying to push you away because I love you enough to leave?"

I have done this before with my current boyfriend. Tried to push him away or talk him into leaving me because I felt he deserved better or because I felt I was dragging his life down with mine, etc. He's stuck by me for almost 3 years now and is constantly reassuring. Keep in mind though I am medicated, do my best to follow a treatment plan, and definitely do not act out or emotionally abuse him. no one regardless of if they're medicated or not should be that way. if you keep looking the other way when it comes to his behavior he will see no need to get help. how can you get him to get help...I don't know, sorry.

you are in a very tough situation. I just wanted to add the little that I could. maybe someone else will see your post and have more advice/insight.
27 female
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, acid reflux, and in the process of being diagnosed with either crohns, colitis, or even lupus...who knows really! the docs sure don't lol. Now possibly even celiacs disease!Lots of tests coming up so hopefully I'll know more soon. Too many meds to list!

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 9/17/2008 9:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Justy

My mind is in a strainer stage so I have no useful advice. But what jumped out at me is you loosing 45 lbs in 2 months. This is very, very unhealthy. It is admirable your thinking of your ex-fiance as you do, but your health is just as important.

I want "I wish I had one more day to spend at the office" on my tombstone.

I used to be crazy, but now I have enough money to be called eccentric.

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