Oh how I know what you're going through. I dated my husband for three years, and never really noticed all the signs. We married just 6 months ago, and life dramatically changed! I feel like I'm in the middle of a tornado. The change in behavior was extreme...or better yet, erratic and unpredictable. Financial issues started becoming evident, mood swings, an immense amount of lying, erratic driving, and verbal abuse, just to name a few. But like you said, there was no room for discussion...it was everybody's fault...but his. He began picking arguments with family, co-workers, etc. There was so many things happening all at once. Both my son and I would wait and watch how he looked when he came through the door at night...his body language would say how the night was going to go. After more than a few hair raising nights, it really came to head one day...and I packed a bag for my son and I...and we went to stay at my parents. That night he drank excessively, puched out a picture frame, and even went to a point of sending a text that he would do something to himself. I knew I couldn't go back at that point. But he continued to spiral. I took my conerns to a psychologist, expressed some of the behavior, and she was more than concerned. She feared him being physical was the next step (but she also stated she believed he had BP and possibly an additional illness..as does his brother). I was so afraid for him, and so scared at the same time. I tried to talk to him, to get him on my insurance so he could seek a professional...but he wouldn't budge. But the final straw was him directing his behavior towards my son. It upset my son so much...that he said enough is enough.
Now I cry like never before...I miss the man that he was (or can be), but I can't help him if he won't admit there's a problem. My heart breaks, my marriage is over, and I lost my best friend.
But I had to take care of my son and I....it was all I could do.