Thank you Serafena. It's going on 3 weeks and I think he's left for good. Plenty of times during the relationship I've wondered if it was worth it. He kept asking me to work with him and that he would get back on his meds. But he never stayed on his meds for long. He was always quitting jobs and we were always breaking up only for him to come back remorseful and wanting to change. The changes never lasted long. Before long, he'd be back to accusing me of sleeping around, putting words in my mouth, or otherwise bringing constant turmoil to the relationship.
After a really nice concert he disappeared smoking crack the next day. This was the first time. He's smoked it twice more that I know of. He's kicked my dog and choked me on my birthday. He would usually accuse me of sleeping around right before I feel asleep which left me awake and fuming for hours. He's stolen from me and destroyed my property. My car broke down and he tried to sell everything including the gas in it. I said no when I found out, but the people he dealt with came back and towed/stole my car anyway. I never found it and am without a car for now.
The day before he disappeared in April he had asked me to love and trust him again saying that he was all right and that he needed me in his life. He asked me to call him back and when I did he wouldn't talk to me for 2 weeks. When he did respond, he said he had been soul searching and had rejoined the Army. He said he lied on his app that he was not BiPolar, but he has been in and out psych wards all of his life. He has also been in treatment at several VA facilities.
This time he kept asking me to marry him only to turn around and send a text saying he wanted out for good. Because he kept complaining about having rejoined the Army again, I truly thought he was talking about them. Before he left, that's all he kept complaining about. The Army and the people he had to work with. about 2 weeks before he shut me out, he was supposed to be looking for a wedding suit and having his finger sized. Instead he said he got a call for extra duty that weekend and it sent him off to go smoke crack again. That's when I called off the wedding.
For days he begged me to reconsider, saying again that he didn't want to be in the Army. They were having a change of command that he said was also stressing him out. He said he was uncomfortable with the timing of the wedding which was the same week as the change of command. I told him that's okay that I would come to be near him anyway. He kept calling with different stresses and I told him not to take things so seriously. That things were going to be okay. The next day he sent the text saying he wanted out for good.
He said he needed me in TX and I thought of going anyway. But I just tried to call several times and then just left him alone. That was almost 3 weeks ago. Since then, a friend saw his ad on an online dating site. It was set up about a week b/f he disappeared on me. He has checked that he's looking for both males and females, and I think I'm still too stunned to think the worst. Wanting to believe he's been manic since rejoining the Army, and his drug use and online ad are all signs. The truth is this whole thing just doesn't look or feel good.
I've entered counseling b/c I am isolated without a car or anybody in the world to talk as I try to get back on track. I also have my own issues that I've been wanting to deal with for quite awhile. My first session was yesterday and my counselor is BiPolar. She may have even put into motion a job opening for me:). I'm glad that happened b/c it lets me know that not everyone with BiPolar is as irresponsible as my ex was. I still love and want to be with him, but his issues are beyond anybody but him and God right now. Thank you for suport and welcoming me to the board. Tamara