I am a 28 year old mother of two. I was diagnosed with Bipolar approximately four years ago. I am currently not on meds and struggling.
Let me tell you a little background info:
I had my son when I was 16 and the father has not been involved since. I have always struggled with depression, as long as I can remember. I was hospitalized about eight years ago for depression, but the stability didn't last long. I suffered through the next four years until I was hospitalized again. This time they diagnosed the bipolar and I began the "guinnea pig" phase. I couldn't even begin to list all the meds I've tried. It was a very scary time for me because every time I took a new pill, it was like "Let's wait and see what this one does to me." I've been on meds where as soon as I eat, I pass out and sleep for four hours, I have a metal taste in my mouth (and a metal smell) from all dairy foods and I lost like 20 pounds, and the last one was the final straw. I started taking a benzo to help me sleep and it did just the opposite. I would take it and sleep for about half an hour. Then I would wake up and literally be psychotic. That one landed me in an emergency room on an overdose. Since then, I've been living without meds, barely hanging on. I recently got married and had my daughter. I knew going into the pregnancy that it was risky, but it's something we both really wanted. The pregnancy was HORRIBLE, mentally. My daughter is now 11 months old and cute as a button, but I feel like it cost me my sanity. I do have an appointment with a psychiatrist in a week, but the thought of starting over at the "guinnea pig" phase scares me. My husband works nights and is gone four nights out of the week. I can't afford to deal with horrible side-effects when I'm the only one home caring for two children. All I know right now is that I have to get better before it gets worse, for the sake of my entire family.