Hi again! I just read your post. I almost laughed when you said that about
the credit. That is the "exact" same thing my husband does. Then blames me for his credit being bad.
And yes, it is just being bipolar (I think anyhow). As you know, my husband has up and left many times. He literally has left with nothing. No money, ID, no car, wallet, nothing!!!!! It absolutely amazes me how someone can do that. He does not take pride in the things he has...unlike myself. The stuff I have is MINE and no one elses...I'll be darned if i just leave it. But he doesn't care! I'll never comprehend that.
I feel for you, hon! I wish I could take your pain away. I know that pain all too well and it sucks so bad. I know my husband is with me right now, but it sure doesn't feel like it. He is so far out in his own little world. He has pretty much shut me out...so I feel very much alone right now.
The one thing my husband and I have always took pride in, is our true love. We had it when no one else around us did. People were jealous of our love and I liked it that way (Sounds vain, I know) but our love is so true, its amazing! Then when he's like this...it's like a total flip of the switch. I'll admit, I can be a little nice, I'm sure...it's just so hard to be nice when he is acting like this. I don't help things for him because I have shut him out as well. Maybe I'll try talking to him later on (if he ever wakes up that is, LoL).
You saying that you'd do anything to have him back, to have your friend back, etc. really made me think about
what I want. I DO want my husband and I'm so willing to fight for him. And so many people don't understand that. It's nice to have someone understand exactly what you're going through and WHY we stay with them. And you're right, if he had cancer or something like that, would I leave!?! No way! It's still a disease, right?
My husband loves to be "tickled scratched" it's something stupid that we call it...I'll just take my nails real soft down his back and he just loves it. Well, I haven't done that for over a month. That is the special attention that I give him, know what I mean? Now I feel bad that i haven't done it. Sometimes I don't do things because he does nothing for me, and that is probably a stupid way to think, huh? I don't know, I'm so confused right now. Sometimes I feel like I am bipolar, honest to God! I look at all the symptoms and think "OMG, I have all of those". I don't have the irrational thoughts though. I don't know if you're husband is like that or not...but my husband, at times, has a mind of a 12 year old. He does NOT think about
consequences to his actions...just like a 12 year old does. I was reading an article on bipolar and it talked about
when a person first gets it, that's the time they always go back too. And this made so much sense to me because I believe my husband has had this since he was 10 or 12. So, when he is cycling, he goes back to that age. My husband NEVER talks to his mother, but when he is like that, that is the first person he calls. My husband has also been running since he was a kid. Running away from home, from juvenile, ect. His mother left him when he was around 10 or so. She just up and left..went to Florida with a guy and got married. He didn't see her for over a year. Makes so much sense, huh? His Grandfather also killed himself. I think he was maybe bipolar as well.
Sorry, I just ramble on about
things. Just feels good to let some of this out and to talk to someone that totally understands. I don't have anyone that understands in my life. Everyone thinks I"m crazy for staying with him. Including my own kids, my mother, friends, etc. My own mother tells me all the time that he is just childish. She says that she does not believe in bipolar. It drives me crazy! She always says "Well, if that is true, then we all have bipolar". OMG, she kills me!
Ok, I'm done for now. Thanks for listening to me. Feel free to ramble on to me. I love listening to others stories, makes me feel so not alone.