Me and Bipolar

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Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 33
   Posted 10/19/2008 7:12 AM (GMT -7)   
I wanted to indroduce myself to the forum. I am 38 years young, and have been struggling with Bipolar since I was a teen. I never recognized any of my behavior has a problem until I got married in 1999. My wife has received the brunt of my disorder - I have been nasty to her, snapped at her, unhappy with our marriage, and I even attempted to find another woman to have sex with.

I tried to commit suicide twice in my early 20's. Thankfully both attempts were lame calls for attention, and I easily survived both. I went to the psychiatric ward after the second attempt for a week. I saw many folks I felt were a lot worse off than I was, and I decided to live a better life. Once I got married, things started to change. My sex drive went off the charts. I drove my wife crazy by constantly pressuring her for sex. She is interested, but does not have the libido that I still possess. I am working on that aspect of my life, because the sex drive is a real obstacle. I also have had tendencies to be impulsive. I spend money on big ticket items even when we do not have the money to pay for these things.

I was diagnosed with General Depression in 2003 and put on Lexapro. At first I thought it was helping me. Over time, it turned me into a zombie. I could not function as a normal person, so I weaned myself off of the drug and stopped counseling. In August 2008 I had a really bad manic episode. I could not form sentences, I could not stop racing thoughts, I lost track of where I was and could not concentrate. All while I was driving an 18 wheeler 150 miles from home. My wife managed to talk me through driving home, and the very next day I went to the ER. That was little help, so I went to my regular doc and got some Xanax, which did help to calm me down. I went to my pdoc two days later, who immediately diagnosed me as bipolar. I was both releived and sad, realizing I now faced a lifetime of psychiatry and medication.

I am currently on Lamictal, it is really helping me a lot. At first it really increased my sex drive at 25 mg. At 50 mg I was disoriented for a few days, and became anorgasmic, but all of that cleared up. I recently stepped up to 100 mg. The first few days, I woke up every morning feeling depressed, but after a few hours I would feel great. Right now I am feeling more stable every day, although I went through a little episode yesterday while my wife was off with her friends and my children were asleep. Xanax really helped me get through that. Now I feel great again. I can not tell what the day will bring, I take things hour by hour sometimes. All I know is I am seeking the help I need and I am becoming a better person as a result.

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 10/19/2008 7:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Cantgoback,

Welcome to the board. You're in a place where people definitely understand what you're going through and have been there themselves. The medicine tango is a bummer, the hour-by-hour mood shifts are terrible. You should tell your doctor about that, by the way and ask him about Rapid Cycling. I hope that the medicine continues to help you fight through the depression and mania, and please keep posting. Let us know how you're doing and chime in whenever you feel the urge.

Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 110
   Posted 10/19/2008 7:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Cantgoback-

Lamictal has really helped my fiance who is BPII and suffers more from depression than mania. I wish I could say that his sex drive increased, though! Without getting into too many details, being anorgasmic was a side-effect of his lamictal dosage (he's on 75 mg), but it did subside. Seeking help and being comitted to a treatment plan has worked wonders for us. I cannot emphasize enough the benefits of joint therapy (we go together and have recently "graduated" to once every other week). Good luck!

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 33
   Posted 10/19/2008 7:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Just to clarify, I too am Bipolar II, I think that the rapid cycling is what classifies me as II instead of I. I will definitely tell my Pdoc, I am sure an increase in the dosage of my meds will be necessary. I do not always cycle from hour to hour, that is just what I am feeling like today. I took my meds this morning and they are starting to kick in, so I am sure I will stabilize today. Then I can take the rest of the day to relax!

olivia of course
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 10/19/2008 7:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello Cantgoback,

Welcome to HealingWell, it is great having you here. I see you have already jumped into the threads, it is great having you on board.

Bipolar Co-Moderator

Only by seeking challenges can we hope to find the best in ourselves. ~Robert Rodriguez

Don't let your yesterday ruin your today.

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 136
   Posted 10/19/2008 9:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello and welcome.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

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