Diskus, thanks for responding. I feel for you too! This is absolutely the hardest thing I have yet to do in my life. And I've been through some rough stuff. Diskus, if I don't give him his pills...he don't take them...and I just can't see that happening. At least he's taking the depakote and that is keeping him from really losing it.
And I do try to think about
myself, just don't always happen at times. I got soooo mad last night ( I won't go into details about
what the fight was over, it was actually stupid) but anyhow, I finally just started screaming at him, I just couldn't take it anymore. I told him "It's all about
you, when you're hungry, when you're cold, when you're tired, YOUR bipolar" I kind of felt bad afterwards...but an hour later he was like "Are you cold honey". LoL! Give me a break already!
Lostwife, my heart truly goes out to you. I've been there, done that. We separated once...where he actually told me he was leaving and stayed here. This was last May. We stayed separated for over a month. There is a long story behind it....but my pastor had something to do with it, so it wasn't just 100% him that was leaving. Anyhow, I know what you mean about
loving them. I truly do love my husband and I married him for better or worse and I take that serious. about
a month ago we renewed our vows and bought new rings. Well, mainly because he threw his in the creek the last time he left. But anyhow, I really mean my vows and I do truly love him and I know he truly loves me as well. And like you, I have MANY people telling me "GET OUT, LEAVE HIM" including my own kids. My son totally doesn't understand why I stay with him. He thinks bipolar is a joke and it's all in your head. He believes my husband does this stuff on purpose, but I know better. Lostwife, hang in there! Do you believe in God? Cause if you do, I have GREAT website for you. It's what kept me going when we separated. It shows you how to stand in the gap for your husband and NEVER let go, NO matter what. That's what I did...and there was NO hope of us getting back together...but God is bigger than all of us and can do anything. Sheesh, maybe I need to lean on him again, huh? I have lost God through all of this...a lot has to do with my old church and my pastor, but I know deep inside that it wasn't God, it was man.
Lostwife, where are you from, if you don't mind me asking? Have you seen your husband since he left? Do you have kids with him? Sorry for all the questions, just curious is all. I'm not sure which really is worse, manic or the depression. I mean, when my husband is manic, at least he is doing something, ya know? BUT, then it always ends up with him leaving, so I don't know!
Serafena, I know I need to get the heck out of this basement...it is driving me CRAZY! And to top it all off, I live with someone that used to be my best friend...well, I found out recently that she totally betrayed me, I mean, really really betrayed me. I found this out after I moved in here. So now, I have to act like everything is OK with her, when deep inside I really can't stand her now. My husband knows something is wrong, but I can't tell him anything because I know with all my heart that he would hurt her for what she has done. I don't keep secrets from my husband, but he knows I'm keeping this from him and he also knows that the reason I am is because I know he would hurt her. Soooo, I'm reallllllly nuts here! LoL!
I do need to treat him a little nicer and give him more love. I really have ignored him lately and been mean to him...it's just hard sometimes! He did apply for SSI and had his Dr. appt. the other day for it, so I"m praying that he gets it..that would get us out of here at least. He goes from making 15 bucks an hour to nothing...that is huge! I'm so financially drained it's not even funny. And what kills me is, he doesn't even think about
it. I deal with ALL of it. It drives me crazy! He knows that I will deal with everything. I'm a survivor and I can't change that about
myself. I can't not do things. I have REALLY bad anxiety, and I literally lay awake at night for hours upon hours thinking about
all this stuff. It's horrible! I do take ambien now, so that is helping a little. My dr. won't give me nerve pills...she just keeps telling me to go see someone about
my problems. Well, if I had insurance or money, I'd be glad to do that.
I don't know! Again, it's after 12 and he's STILL sleeping! UGH! He is doing a side job for some friends right now....so that is a little money we'll have. BUT, getting him up and moving is the big problem. We were supposed to be there at 2 yesterday...he didn't get up 'til after 3, watched TV until 6, then said it was too late to go over. UGHHHHHH!
Ok, I'm done rambling for now. Thanks for listening! I look forward to hearing from all of you.