to much pain from the past

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New Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 12/4/2008 9:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Well I made it to the therapist today and it was quite a drain on the system.  Having what appears to be a bp spouse is really a tramatic thing to deal with. My wife is with her family and I have been trying to cope with the infadelity part and actually was prepared to accept and forgive and do what I could to get her help and put the pieces back together. I really wanted to believe that she came clean with me about only having one affair.
I researched her cell calls and located several more affairs. WOW, what a gut wrenching feeling.She denied everything than accused me of having an affair and turned very hostile. After 13 yrs and a 8yr old son in the mix I think its time to move on. I do not want to live the rest of my life looking over my shoulder and not being able to trust her. It is so painful I can not even put into words. 
My therapist did help in taking some of the guilt I had away. I feel for everybody that is or has had to deal with this disorder.
It has been helpful to have this site and share the feelings that are inside me. All coments have been positive and unbiased.
Thank you  pvguy

loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 12/5/2008 8:48 AM (GMT -7)   
PVGUY...You have nothing to feel guilty about. BP does not only affect the person who has it, it also affects the spouses, the quality of life we can have, and our own happiness. In the mixture of everything...the fact is...WE count too - as much as our spouses and their BP. What we want out of life, from our spouse, our "relationship" matters TOO. Each and every one of us is allowed to say I don't want this anymore, can't do this anymore...etc. It breaks my heart that the one WITH the BP can't do that, but that is life. It is not an easy decision to make, it is not done without much pain to come to that decision. I respect that you have made this election as what is best for you and your son. It is a long road ahead getting untangled, and will not be without its drama. I wish all three of you courage and peace on your journey and know in time all your smiles will return. You are free to keep coming back and sharing...we are always here. Just keep your compassion for all of you in tact in the process. It will help. LFW

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 12/5/2008 9:26 AM (GMT -7)   

I'm so sorry to hear about your wife's infidelities. It's true that BP can cause a person to lose all judgment. But you are absolutely within your rights to count your losses and start moving on with your life. Stay with your therapist -- I feel they are invaluable to anyone dealing with BP in any way -- while you go through the separation process. Hopefully he can help you deal with the guilt and frustration you feel. LFW is right -- you are always welcome here to share and get support.

Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 33
   Posted 12/8/2008 8:26 AM (GMT -7)   
I am BPII, and I did attempt to find an affair during my marriage. I did not know I was bipolar until my behavior turned extremely manic. My loving spouse even started to investigate my behavior after she discovered my attempts to have an affair - it was she that brought up the possibility and then a visit to the pdoc confirmed it. Although I was unfaithful to her, she is giving me another chance to make things right. Fortunately for me my meds and therapy are allowing me to realize my poor judgement and correct my actions. It is unfortunate that your spouse was unable to do that. I wish it were different for you, it sounds like you really need to get yourself in order, be strong, continue therapy, and move on in life. I am certain this is not what you wanted for your family, but her lack of responsibility to you and your family is not going to work.

I wish you the best.
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