I normally hang out on the anxiety or GERD forum, although bipolar is probably my most serious issue.
I'm 49 and have had a lot of ups and downs with my bipolar. I've lost many friends and done a lot of stupid things. I've quit a lot of jobs and left a lot of situations. I've been manic and alienated people and made a fool of myself. I've lied a lot about dumb stuff. Many times I lied about being physically sick to cover up being depressed.
But it could have been worse. I've not had addiction problems or ever been in jail. I've been married 23 years and we are fairly happy. I have three healthy kids, one in college and 2 in high school. I feel like all my kids and my husband love me. I managed to earn my Masters degree along the way and I taught school before my kids came along.
I had a nightmare childhood (as have many of you) but I had some therapy and am over most of it.
A year and a half ago I was hospitalized for serious depression. (This was probably my 5th hospitalization in my life.) This was by far the worst depression I ever suffered. I thought I was simply going to cross over and die. I don't know how else to explain it. But I got on five different meds and got through it. I went back to school for a semester and got my teaching certificate back. I started substitute teaching a year ago.
I don't think I can hold down a regular teaching job. There are days where I just struggle to get up and go. I've been doing better but it is still hard.
I just feel guilty. I feel I should be able to teach school, come home and cook dinner and straighten the kitchen and house a bit. I should be able on the weekends to change the bed, go to the grocery, and do a few home chores. Now with xmas coming there is more to do. But I am so tired I can hardly move after work.
How do the rest of you do it with jobs and kids? I'm just overwhelmed. I feel that the stress can "flip" me over into depression and I don't want to go there. But I feel lazy if I don't do what I should.
Does anyone understand?
Thanks for any advice.