I have been married to my husband for 7 years and have been subjected to constant emotional and verbal abuse. All of what I am reading about people who have a spouse who is bipolar seems to coincide with what I have been experiencing. I have never in my entire life felt so low, worthless, sad, confused, the list goes on. Nothing I do is right, he is always right. I cannot talk to anyone on the phone. I cannot go anywhere or have any visitors without it being a huge conflict to discourage any interaction. I cannot even sign my name, he insists that I redo it the way he believes it should be done if I need to sign anything. Anytime I have tried to discuss matters when he is in a calmer state I risk another huge blow up so I end up not trying to discuss it anymore to protect my two little ones. I am always the one considering how this is impacting on them and he just blows up and hurts me in ways I could have never imagined someone would do to me. Since I have been married I am constantly feeling like I am walking on eggshells to avoid or prevent a problem so that the kids do not get hurt. I have given up on any happiness, and have been feeling extremely anxious living a life without any comfort whatsoever. I want to run away so badly but cannot bring myself to allow my children to live without my protection from his cold, cruel, insensitive behavior. I want to disappear, change my identity, hide. die anything but life this life. Ofcourse I know I cannot commit suicide, besides I know it is not the right thing to do. I have no way out. I am professional who used to work but now at home to raise the kids. He criticizes every single thing I do. Nothing is good enough. I can do the world for him, but it just doesn't seem to matter. It's all about him and his feelings. Always angry outburts which he refuses to let me help to calm the situation. If I do not join him in whatever he is angry about he accuses me of not being on his side. I never know what to say--either way I am always wrong.
So my question is does this sound like a bipolar person? He has never been diagnosed and refuses to ever entertain the idea of going to a therapist. I have no evidence of any psychotic behavior ie, hallucinations auditory/visual but he did accused me once of killing his brother whom I never met as he passed away before we met and got married. It is relevant to mention that my husband spends an extraordinary amount of time away from me at his apartment he used to have before we got married hence I can only go on behavior when he is with me. I am also not suspicious of him being unfaithful as was suggested by others because of his behavior and being away so much. When I confronted him on that accusation he made in the past during an outburst on the phone with me he just ignores me and does not even comment on it. It's almost as I he has not idea what I am talking about. I cannot engage him in any conversation that would possibly explore resolution to our problems. I have no idea what to do. I have never experienced this---never been such a nervous person, depressed person. Most of my life was spent working on trying to cope with whatever difficuties I may encounter but by either avoiding negative people, or trying to help them the best way I could. Now I have no way of avoiding the man I am married to and have children with and I cannot help him because he thinks something is wrong with me and nothing is wrong with him while he destroys me to the point where I feel I do not want to go on anymore.---
There is so much more that keeps me trapped in this situation including my fears of a worse outcome if I leave. I am convinced that if I leave the problem I am experiencing now will only get worsened as it is impossible to not communicate when you have children. Even when he is not present with me he makes my life so difficult by constantly calling me and disturbing me mentally and emotionally with his angry outburts, or attacking me verbally about something insignificant.