I have never felt so alone right now in the struggles I am having with my husband who suffers from BP/ADHD. Even though I know I am far from alone, it just feels like it right now...next to a supportive counselor and a couple of good friends who only know half of it, I have no supportive family nearby (with the exception of a mother who has always been cold and believes you should divorce someone as the solution to everything). I don't even feel like i have anywhere to go if I decided to leave with my children for a while. The worst thing is, I feel alone in my own marriage, when I feel I should be able to talk with my husband but he just doesn't seem available.
Last night I tried to calmy and nicely talk with him about counseling (for himself, for me and for us) and some of the other feelings I've been having (mainly feeling down and confused about our marriage) and he literally ignored everything I was saying. He became angry (again) and told me to "get the F - - out of there". I just walked off and went to bed. In the middle of the night he came in and starting poking me in the back and telling me "what's the matter, you don't want to talk now? you want to just keep denying your own problems and only focusing on mine? You want to be a BP bully, etc...etc...) I was so fair when I was talking to him, but it doesn't matter. I feel like I'm sinking deep and in the twilight zone...there is absolutely no normal communication with him, he is not hearing me, he won't go to counseling, it's getting worse and worse.
In the meantime, nursing school for me starts in one week and I am trying to just take care of my 2 little children, but I am really struggling. How am I ever going to get it back together and get stronger? I just started going back to counseling, but that can take time. Here we are going into another (what should be a fun) weekend, but I can just feel the misery brewing. Last weekend I left with the children to a hotel. It's like I'm a sitting duck to the misery he brings home with him. As you can tell, I'm not doing very well.
Any messages of encouragement or advice are much appreciated.
Hugs to you all,