Don't feel bad. It's a big deal, getting this diagnosis, and it's hard to wrap your head around it sometimes. You aren't the first person to struggle with it and wonder what it means for you and your mood, even your personality. So don't beat yourself up for asking questions or looking for other people to help you verify that they've been in the same boat.
And boy have I. I still feel terribly guilty all the time and depressed about my mood disorder. I've been diagnosed for 6 years now, I think, and I think I deal with it pretty well, but I still get plenty frustrated when my mood changes abruptly or inconveniently. I still hate it when I can't do something I ant to do because my mood keeps me from having the energy or ability to. I get depressed when my mood impacts my family -- which obviously just makes it worse, because I'm already sad.
My husband assures me there's no point in being sad about being sad, but it's so dang hard not to feel sorry and guilty for having mood swings. So hard not to feel guilty and frustrated. If it were as easy as just saying "Don't do this or that" we would all do it. But it's not that easy, apparently.
We both need to go easier on ourselves, wishdreamhope. We're dealing with a disorder which takes the control out of our hands and we're at the mercy of some powerful chemicals. We can do our part by avoiding stress, getting enough sleep, taking our meds, eating right, getting exercise. But after that, we have to give ourselves a break.
Let yourself be curious and anxious for a little while about this diagnosis, but know that you'll be okay.
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum