I just felt like saying hi and letting you all know that things are not going well for us these days.
My husband "voluntarily" (he claims he was coerced, but he was not committed) checked into a psych facility 3 hrs. away yesterday for an assessment. His family and I all believe that his current medication has magnified all of the negative symptoms of his BD. So much so, he and I cannot live under the same roof with our children.
I have so much anxiety about
this because I don't know what is going to happen when he gets out.
Through this site I have gained a lot more compassion and understanding for what he is going through. I know it sounds horrible, but I have not decided if I am a good enough person to stay married to him. I love him and care for him to the core of my soul, but I have so much hurt and anger inside me, i don't know if I can endure the BD much longer.
I am hopeful that he comes out of the hospital with a treatment plan that may change all of that. I am also in counseling.
Today he was able to use a calling card and call me. He spewed so much hatred and resentment for me, I was frightened. Luckily, he has no access to me (physically) for at least 72 hours.
So, now, even if he stabilizes and I have a new outlook on his illness, he may hate me so much, there is nothing I can do.
My heart is broken.
Thanks for listening -- Tuesdays with my therapist can't come fast enough!