Just to say Hi and introduce myself

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New Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 1/15/2009 1:06 AM (GMT -7)   
I love my Husband very much....
We have been together for 10 years now. My 2nd marriage his 4th
I have 3 kids from a previous marriage and so does he, and we have a son together.
My Husband admits to having a problem but will not label himself as BP. His problem has all symptoms of BP Doctors in the past have labeled him BP (I think... although I do not really now first hand I have found that I can not trust every thing he tells me) it is something he has been dealing with since he was a teen...But he will not go for treatment He feels that all they can do for him is give him Lithium and he does not do well on it because it make him acts like a zombie.
In the 10 years we have been together I have noticed that he has mood swings. for long periods per mood (3-4 months) mood descriptions are 1) I call it his Grandiose mood lol.. He is Happy, Bucked with himself and can do it all, during this mood he finds new business ventures (which he never carries thru just puts out the $ and starts then stops and all is left hanging) he losses an amazing amount of weight, disappears for hours and spends allot of $ buying things we can not afford and do not need He hides things from me and does not like my suggestions and feels that i am stifling him. During this mood we fight allot he always calls the police because he feels abused. He has a lot of car accidents (he has totaled 5 cars in the last 6 years and has had 3 accidents that the car could be fixed.. that is when I went and got my drivers license so I could take over the driving 2) his Down mood is easier for me to deal with because He does not get me into trouble with other people (besides the fact that I feel cheated out of having a hero and security. I like most woman look for and need the hero in my man) He can not do anything.... he does not complete a task he stays in bed in front of the TV most of the day he puts on all the weight he loosed (he has 2 sizes of clothing in the closet) and can not work
the situation alienates me from society because I am scared to get involved with other people so I stay away from every one (he can get very nasty and rude to people he feels threatened by or does not like)
We run a business together and I can not hire the staff I need because of his behavior so I have to do all the work on my own which has caused the business to suffer.
He loosed his drivers license for 75 days so i have to do all the driving
I also have to take care of the kids and the house
I find myself unable to cope with all the work and pressure and see that i am not functioning properly anymore
So…I have joined this forum to see what can be done and get some emotional support I do not have time to go to therapy and if I do I will have to get gov. help because I do not have the $ to go privatly I do not want any government help because I do not want my x to be able to come after my kids.

I have been reading some of your posts and see that i am not alone.... it gives me comfort to know that you all understand.
I have 2 Questions
Is Lithium the only drug given for BP?
Have any of you heard of memory loose being related to BP?

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 204
   Posted 1/15/2009 2:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there starlight1...Welcome. I had a choice of Lithium or Valporate which is commonly used for epilepsy, It stablises the moods...Worth looking into. I would often have memory loss, wether it was because I so so confused and my head was a mess but my memories of that unstable time are just a scattered mess and I have to be reminded of many things during that time. So I guess yes I had alot of memory loss. Even things from my past like childbirth and marriage moments...They are all coming back so I guess it was temporary. Thankgod! gillxx
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Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 1/15/2009 6:49 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey starlight;

Welcome aboard! I hope you will find this place as helpful as I have. My wife of 9 years is a BP sufferer. She has been diagnosed for about 2 years, but has had symptoms for as long as I have known her. She has always been on an antidepressent of some type, but her symptoms got bad enough a couple of years ago that she sought additional help for them. She does have some short term memory loss, but it has just came on the past year or so, so we aren't sure if it is the condition, or the meds that is causing it. There are plenty of meds out there for this condition, so don't think that lithitum is the only thing. Keep encouraging him to seek help. From what you describe, it sounds like he is showing some symptoms, but only a doc can tell you for sure. Also take care of yourself, I know(we all do) it is hard to deal with sometimes, but that is what is so great about this forum, you an come hear & vent, or just read around & see that you are in the same boat with a lot of other folks & get some prespetive from what they have posted.

Good luck & keep in touch;


"The struggles make you stronger, and the changes make you wise, and happiness has it's own way of taking it's sweet time.
Gary Allan- From "Life Ain't Always Beutiful"

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 1/15/2009 9:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Starlight1,

Welcome to HealingWell and to the bipolar board. I hope you will find that you are most definitely not alone here. We have a nice mix of both bipolar sufferers and their spouses here, so I'm sure you can find some advice.

Like Rocketman said, your husband does sound like he has some of the symptoms, but only a doc could say for sure. I would really recommend he see a psychiatrist and not just a general practitioner for a diagnosis, by the way. It really does make a big difference. Particularly when it comes to treatment. For example, there are many, many drugs out there for the treatment of bipolar, not just lithium. A good psychiatrist would be able to work with your husband to find something that worked. If your husband said he'd tried lithium before and didn't like it, the doc would give him something else -- it's that simple. I've never been on lithium and I'm definitely not alone.

Memory loss is common, but it's a symptom of both mania and depression, and is temporary. It's also a side effect of some of the drugs, and I think that it's usually temporary (but check with your doc on that.) The only serious memory loss I've heard of is with electro-convulsive (shock) therapy. Obviously that doesn't apply to your situation.

Good luck with your difficult conversation,
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

New Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 1/15/2009 10:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you friends for you warm words and support.

I am going to push him to go for help and join him so I can also learn how to cope better
we love each other very much and I am not ever going to give up on him but I would like some stability and security in my life
I hope you guys do not mind but I printed out my post and your responses and I gave him the web site I hope he joins because I think that he needs you all just as much as I do

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 1/15/2009 7:58 PM (GMT -7)   
That's perfectly fine. It would be great if he joined.
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 369
   Posted 1/15/2009 8:49 PM (GMT -7)   

Welcome starlight... your husband sounds to have many of the signs of BP...but he really needs to be diagnosed.  Finding the right medication that works with each person is trial and error...and frustrating at best.  To succeed at finding the right mix, your husband really needs to be on board that this is for a healthier life.

Memory loss is common.  I suffer from short term memory loss and it is frustrating.

"Just because you're in the driver's seat, doesn't mean
you have to run people over." ~ Fred Pausch

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 125
   Posted 1/16/2009 7:04 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear starlight1, I have been on lithium and it did not suit me at all. I was on carbamezapine before lithium and it suited me but my doctor decided to try out lithium which ended up being a disaster. I went back on carbamezapine and then later on amisupride, a drug for schizophrenia because I did not want to be on olanzapine (Zyprexa). There are a lot of mood stabilizers out there besides lithium. Memory loss is something I am suffering from after taking drugs for a year but it is a small price to pay for the expensive and crazy decisions I would take otherwise. I hope you can convince your husband to see a psychiatrist. It is the best thing he can do for himself and the family. Most bipolar people feel guilty about their spending sprees once they get better. I constantly think of my car accident and my crazy spending sprees when I was manic. Nothing in the world could stop me at that time. I went through 7 psychiatrists and psychotherapists. Finally I found one I could trust and I have focused on getting better since then.
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