It is BP Gemini Here! I know how hard the medication thing is. I have been on so many different ones I can hardly recall the name of them all. A while back I started a thread called "Flushed My Meds". i literally got up one Saturday morning and decided I was not BP any more and flushed all meds down the potty! I felt great with my decision for about a week and then the bottom feel out. I started experiencing dibilitating depression which was never my issue, I was always very manic. I knew I was in trouble, had to go back on another med which I am still on because this one, other than making me gain about 8 lbs, has had no bad side effects and I actually feel pretty good and balanced. I really seem to react to situations appropriately now BUT this "normal" feeling is so unusal for me (I love my hypomania too!) that I almost don't know what to do with myself. I know that sounds crazy but it is like I am someone else. Maybe I am the real me now but I guess since it has been so long I do not recognize me, her, whoever! I have a very stressful job and I wish so much to be able to stay home. I am so much more calm and happy when I am a domestic goddess, I do not feel like I belong in the Corporate World but maybe I would feel that way anywhere. I took a day of vacation today, had I not, I would have called in sick, just could not do it one more day. I had a complete physical recently and was given a clean bill of health, so that alone should tell me that my mental issues are mental and not the result of a physical problem.
To stay on meds or not, that is something that only you can decide. I even went "herbal" for a while and I felt great physically but mentally they are just not strong enough. I wish they were because I would rather take care of my issues on a more natural level but I have finally accepted that this is the way things have to be or I am constantly melting up or down. I would suggest talking to your Dr again about what you are going through and if you feel they are not listening and just trying differnt meds randomly, than find another PDoc. really, that makes all the difference in the world. My PDoc was the greatest but he retired and now I have to find another. Not really looking forward to that.
Well, good luck sweetie. I am always here for you to talk to. Do what is right for you and do not beat yourself up too bad worrying about it, OK?
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Pitta Dosha ( Ever studied Ayurvedic Medicine?)