To put it simply, you are just boiling over right now. There is nothing "wrong" with you, you have just reached your limit. I have been through the same thing myself. For nearly two years all my wife did was complaing & gripe about seemingly everything. Always something negative, always complaining about something, & it usually had something to do with me and something I did or didin't do. She was always talking about how miserable she was & hated her life, just wanted to die, & didn't care, you know the drill. She has always talked like this, no matter what our situation or circumstances were. We have been together almost ten years & she has always talked this stuff. Finally after all of this one day last sept we were fighting about nothing & she started in with the I just wanna die stuff. The only reason she hasen't tried to kill herself is our son & she has nothing else to live for etc. etc. etc.. That is when I reached my boiling point & told her If she was that miserable then to just blow her brains out & get it over with. I know it was a horrible thing to say, and I feel terrible about it & do really regret it. But I am only human & after hearing this crap for as long as I have, it wouldn't have took this long for a lot of other people. Thankfully she is getting help & it seems like they have got her meds right for now & a lot of that has stopped, but it still comes around once in a while. I can honestly say that joining this forum & talking to you guys & seeing that I am not the only one going thru this, & that the way she acts isn't just her, but pretty normal for someone with this condition has helped me deal with things a lot better.
It could be easy for someone to tell you that you should have said this or that, but they aren't the one living your life, and dealing with this every day like you are. Until you go through it first hand, you have no idea. The best thing you can do is to work on seperating yourself emotionally from the things his condition makes him say & do. You have got to let things roll off of you. It is hard to do, but if you let the stuff get to you & sink in, it will eventually erode you away. You will always care & love him, you just hate his actions & behavior. Like the rest of us, you wish you could wave a magic wand & so on to help him, but that isn't going to happen. He has to want to get better & stick to what his docs tell him to do. If the effort isn't coming from him, then you are just spinning your wheels.
Keep yourself strong & don't let things get to you. Remember, it isn't you, it's his condition. Don't let him push your buttons. You are the rational one in the relationship. I know it's hard, I can't follow my own advice a lot of times, but you can do it.
"The struggles make you stronger, and the changes make you wise, and happiness has it's own way of taking it's sweet time.
Gary Allan- From "Life Ain't Always Beutiful"