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New Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 1/25/2009 9:46 PM (GMT -7)   
I have been avoiding my best friend of 15 - 16 years ever since he moved into my area. I always have issues letting people know what is wrong with me and my wife. After a lot of discussion with my wife I know better than letting people know about her issues, but I've always been OK telling people about my problems. I think this person would be very understanding about what's going on with me... but have been burnt in the past by telling. So my question is: is it better to let people know what's wrong or avoid the issue if no direct harm has been sent their way?

- Rimanquez confused

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 1/25/2009 11:15 PM (GMT -7)   
ummmmm.... you know, to tell people is entirely up to you. nobody has a "right" to know anything personal about your life at all unless you choose to tell them, but then you risk the possibility of judgement!
i'd let your friend get re-aquainted with you and your wife and see how things go. if time goes by and it presents an "issue" then your friend will have had all the positive "stress-free" time with you and your wife beforehand so that they know that you are good people. does that make sense?
so, no i wouldn't say anything - not b/c you are hiding or have anything to be ashamed of, but because it's nobody's business. maybe down the road even if there never is an issue, you could let them in on it, but only if you feel comfortable and you know that this person will still be a friend even after knowing what is going on.
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do."

falling apart
Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 1/26/2009 8:07 AM (GMT -7)   
What a great question! I have been wrestling with it myself. My husband is a VERY private person. I, on the other hand, am a very open person. We live in a very small community, so it is hard to keep things completely private -- because bad information inevitably gets spread around. Plus, I lean heavily on my friends for support, so I think they should know what is really going on. They have also known my husband for years and have seen him change dramatically over the course of the last 2 years.

I would DEFINITELY let your friend into your life. If it becomes relevant to share what is going on with your wife, then let him know. Especially since you feel like you can trust this person and they will not be judgmental.

Good luck! We are also here for support whenever you need it!

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