i feel guilty...

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Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 1/25/2009 11:25 PM (GMT -7)   
I feel kinda bad.  My husband is in treatment and I'm at home drinking.................... it's not that I have a problem by any means - but I've gone so long without even having a glass of wine with a girlfriend to catch up, that now that he's not here, i feel like making up for lost time!   I've even gone out to the bar with a couple of girlfriends.........is this ok?  I mean, I know it IS - but I just feel so guilty.  I guess if he doesn't find out?  I mean, all my friends are aware of the situation and would NEVER say anything and I'm careful to make sure that if anyone get's "pic happy" they leave me out or don't post them somewhere like facebook!
shocked   (oh the stress)
I just feel so bad.  I guess in a way at first I resented him for asking me to not drink in support of him - but then he was drinking the whole time, just never told me  nono   and then he started binge drinking/partying right in front of me (so to speak) and I resented him even more because even though I knew HE was drinking, I still tried to set an example by NOT drinking anyways.... is it ok to get it out of my system or am I playing with fire?  I wonder if he thinks i'll go out anyways or if he still thinks that i'm at home night after night pining away for him!
Am I doing something wrong here?  Am I being a hypocryte?
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do."

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 1/26/2009 7:01 AM (GMT -7)   


Sounds like you got the college freshman syndrome. You are finally out from under the thumb & can do whatever the ____ you want so you're gonna. Go ahead & get it out of your system, but tread lightly. Keep in mind, when he gets home he is going to be dry as a bone & will need you to be that way too. This might lead to more resentment if you go creating a new lifestyle for yourself that you then have to give up when he gets home. Don't feel guilty now for going out with friends for support & to keep you in good spirits while you are going thru this. A word of warning though, he probably will not understand this beause to him you probably are supposed to be home miserable without him.

When my wife went into the hospital the first time, I was working midnights & had no one to watch our son overnight. I had to take vacation days from work, so after I took him to school, I had the whole day to myself. I did a lot of stuff around the house that I hadn't had time to do before to keep busy. When she got home she put it together in her mind that I didn't even miss her at all because I did all this stuff instead of moping around. Not saying your hubby would be like that, but you never know, the similarities with this condition run pretty deep sometimes. If it comes up, you just went out with friends for some cheering up.

Take care,


"The struggles make you stronger, and the changes make you wise, and happiness has it's own way of taking it's sweet time.
Gary Allan- From "Life Ain't Always Beutiful"

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 1/26/2009 8:57 AM (GMT -7)   
I agree with Rocket. I think its a natural backlash at having been so tightly bound to his needs for so long, but keep it reigned in. Don't feel guilty, but don't advertise it either, and you said you were trying to keep it quiet. I wouldn't make it a habit either, or you'll miss it when you have to give it up again.

You're alright. Give yourself a break.

Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 369
   Posted 1/26/2009 11:45 AM (GMT -7)   
I have to agree with the others.  You have that feeling like a teenager when your parents are out of town for the weekend.  Oh the memories  :)   But I think you also have a bit of anger mixed in, angry at him for deceiving you all that time.  So I would hate for it to turn into a release for you to get your anger out.  As long as you keep it social and not as a crutch I think you are ok.  But be careful because I think in your mind you are walking that fine line between dong something purely innocent, and something secretive.  Because as your husband starts to get better, you don't want to have secrets of your own.
But in the meantime you should feel free to get together with the girls and just BS, but every get together does not have to involve alcohol...you could see a movie, peruse the book store, etc.
"Just because you're in the driver's seat, doesn't mean
you have to run people over." ~ Fred Pausch

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