*Sorry, didn't realize I had to post an intro thread. I really don't want to do that as my spouse uses my computer and I already had to go to great lengths to register here in a way that I feel he won't see my posts or check up on me. Is there any way I can get a pass on that as it will make me way too paranoid to post here and I really, really need some help and support. If not I apologize and I'll delete this so not to break the rules.
My spouse has a longterm (8 years now) diagnosis of BP 1. Recently he was hospitalized after a long manic episode where he was convinced that space alien lizards were running the world monetary system and became obsessed with alex jones and other conspiracy websites. After hospitalization, he refuses to let me come with him to his appointments, doesn't do any of the exercises his therapist gives him because he's "too tired" or "too busy" (watching random youtubes for hours is a full-time job i guess) and insists that he can "work it out on his own and I have to be patient while he goes through this", only takes his medications if I force him to (and gets angry at me for reminding him) and responds to all of my statements or questions with "you just don't understand" or "I know I know I know STOP BUGGING ME"?
I have stayed for 5 years trying everything in the world to help and support him and it's always "nagging". When I said "let's go to couples therapy" he says "fine but not until I have my BP under control, there's no point in us going when I am still having symptoms". ????? That's the entire point!!
When I try to tactfully tell him his actions have an impact on me, he gets defensive and stalks off or turns it around that I am oversensitive and have a mood disorder and basically it's my fault. My birthday was a few weeks ago; no card, no present, nothing. He said "I forgot it was this weekend, I'll do something next week for you." Next week comes around and he says "Well I didn't know what you wanted to do so I didn't plan anything because I didn't have any ideas." Because he was too busy watching youtubes and updating his facebook every three minutes. Valentine's is this weekend, and I say "so whaddya wanna do for Valentines yo" and he says "argrhgrhgrhr so stressful i can't handle it just tell me what you want and I'll do it, I can't deal with this right now". so it'll be another valentine's where we sit around watching movies he likes and then I give up and go to bed while he passes out on the couch.
So how do you deal with it when your spouse rejects everything you do, talks to you once a day (when he's hungry and you've made a meal, or when he needs your "advice" which he never takes) and doesn't sleep with you for a year, yet insists he doesn't want you to leave him and "can't bear the thought of losing you"?
Sorry, i didn't mean for my first post here to be so brusque. I'm just at the end of my rope. He promised when he came back from hospital that he would stop withdrawing and make it work with us but since then it's always him, him, him, and when I point out I am lonely or feel rejected he just gets upset and says "i'm sorry you feel that way". no admission of ownership or compromise. every time i try to compromise (i'll do this if you do that, i'll help you do a mood chart, i'll take care of your appointments for you) he just says "you don't understand". i do understand. i'm not some ***** that wants it all about
me. i just feel like he could care less if i lived or died but won't let me go or try to keep me here. like i'm just some gnat banging against his screen door - beaneath notice unless i'm making noise and forcing issues.
please tell me i'm not the only one who goes through this. all i think all the time is it must be me. after all things were perfect the first 2 years we were together, i have never been happier in my life. and now when i mention that he says "well you can't live in the past, that was a long time ago" etc. he says he knows he has withdrawn from me and doesn't like it and wants to change but i never see any change, or any evidence that change is coming. i just see him sitting in front of his computer for 17 hours a day ignoring me unless he needs something or i start crying. what happened to the wonderful man i loved? is he still in there?
Post Edited (coseymo) : 2/12/2009 2:09:49 PM (GMT-7)