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New Member

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 2/4/2009 1:00 PM (GMT -7)   
FYI this is a long story! And this is a Marriage/Bi-Polar question
I'm 29 and have ADD. I've been that way since I was 7. My wife keeps telling me I'm bi-polar because of my irrational mood swings. I say that I feel hurt that she is not returning my affection so in return I become fustrated and angry. I love my wife more than the earth itself. The only way I can make it make sense is when I'm with her the world makes sense and when I'm not it doesn't. We have a 2yo son who is just adorable. I don't drink or do drugs. I'm on strettera for ADD and I think it works well. I have noticed that I don't seem moody when I'm on it. However, I often forget or don't take it. Sometimes I'm just a jerk.
I did have an issue early in our realationship with name calling and yelling. However, I stopped since I realized I was mimicing my parents relationship. I never hit her or anythign like that just hurtful names.
Sex has been a problem in our relationship since 2 years after we were married. I'm very sexually fustrate so much I find myself watching **** thinking of my wife. My wife can't have children we found that out around year 2 as well so we adopted. I want to believe the two are connected and I've asked and she says no.  My wife doesn't talk about her emotions at all and when you try to reach out to her she shuts down and its like pulling teeth even with her mom or sister. She doesn't display emotion either not even really with my son I mean she loves him thats odvious. Thats what fustrates me the most is I never know how she is feeling I feel like even the tiniest thing is something she will leave me over. Sometimes even if I'm happy I think you know why am I doing all this she doesn't even make an effort for me" then I go into a downward spiral. I feel like everythign I've worked so hard to get us is a waste.
She is OCD and is taking lexipro but she becomes unmanagable without it. She nit-picks things to death which drives me crazy but I try to deal with it. I'm not perfect I leave the toilet seat up, I make a mess when I cook, I don't always hang my coat up, and I don't always lock-doors or turn-off lights but I cook, send flowers/chocolates/spa kits, put her through school, and I take care of the baby A LOT. I try making everything easier on her I even hired a maid. Still I get no affection in return. I recently went on a trip for work and everyday I was gone I sent her a gift to her work. She was also on Depekote (for epilepsy) since 12 and hadn't ever had a seizure since (most any one I talk Dr. wise thinks this is odd) and I finally got her off (weened and monitored) it at 22 for the sake of trying to have a baby.
It seemed like as soon as we started the adoption no affection was being returned. I however started to ignore my wife and turned to online gaming for a year. I also had a problem with spending money I'm not good at it it's like water through my hands. We went to conseling and I didin't take it serious we went to four sessions and thats when she was prescribed Lexipro. Suddenly one day she said she wanted a divorce and everything changed I promised to change to stop smoking, stop lying, and stop the video games. All of which I did. But still no affection. Now 4 years later I brought the issue up. And she says she loves me and is in love with me but something is missing there's no passion and she can't rule out divorce as the ultimate anwser so now I'm waiting for her anwser.
We also have no couple friends and don't do much activity wise. Are my moods justified? Why isn't she showing me any emotion? I'm going to a marriage counselor now by myself and she won't come. She says "been there done that." How do I get her to come?

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 2/4/2009 3:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi jsmackle,

Welcome to HealingWell and to the bipolar board. It's good of you to join us.

I've got an idea. How about you make a deal with her. You'll make an appointment with a psychiatrist for a bipolar screening if she'll visit the marriage counselor with you.

You have nothing to lose. Even if you are bipolar, which isn't uncommon for adults with ADD, you'll be prescribed medicines to bring your moods in line and you'll feel less moody, you'll spend less. If you aren't bipolar, you'll know for sure and she'll have to accept you're just moodier than she is.

As to the affection changing, I can't say for sure but I can tell you that it took me a long time to adjust to having a baby. I didn't experience anything as extreme as what you're wife is, but you say it started about the time you adopted the baby, and I'm not surprised. The process of motherhood really messes with a woman's identity, and if she had trouble expressing emotions before, this might have compounded that. I didn't feel romantic for a long time afterwards. She may be having similar troubles. Just a guess. It would be great if she would go to councelling.

Keep writing. There are lots of people here struggling with these questions. Let us know how things are going.

Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 125
   Posted 2/5/2009 1:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Have you ever got yourself examined by a psychiatrist? Sometimes, it takes the right psychiatrist to diagnose you. I spent six months with four psychiatrists who diagnosed me and medicated me for everything from schizophrenia to psychotic disorder. I was convinced that I was normal and there was a problem in the sensitivity quotient of my family members. It may be that you have bipolar and that you are being hypersensitive.

Have you read the symptoms of bipolar? Do they match your mood swings? If they do, you should contact a psychiatrist.
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