New here and I need to talk

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New Member

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 2/17/2009 11:19 PM (GMT -7)   
hello there my husband and I had 9.5 years of wonderful  wonderful marriage and a beautiful 5 year old son.  Back in July 08 my husband suffered what I guess you would call a nervousr breakdown or severe depression.  he went to his family dr and he gave him lexaro and xanex.  The medicine worked wirthin a week iI could see results he was more happy and outgoing.  but then he started getting a liitle too happy and wanting to be out all the time.  He started wealkng and said exercise helped him feel calm... what he meant was that he was meeting up  with a girl and they were "walkng buddies" of whuih I wasn't allowed to know about.  well I found out and confronted him and he admitted it and nothing had happened betwen them so we tak=lked and were working on it.  Xmas was not quite as enjoyable this year because my husband couldn't get into the spirit not even for our son.  so by this time he has almost completely stopped working and says he doesn't want the stress in hi life.  So i get a part time job to start(having not worked in 6 years) well I stated in the middle of dec and work from 3 till 7 -730 5 days a week not much but hey nobody is hiring now.  I at least have some benefits for our family.  So then money gets tighter, so I get a full time job days and do the part time at night working 11-12 hours a day.  all this time my husband has discovered face book on the internet.  But i am not allowed to know anything about this.  he starts telling me he is the happiest he has ever been in hislife and he feels soooo good his ego is out iof control he thinks he is god's gift to women now.  we are non communicatiing but I start asking what is going on.  well i found out allright.  he has made a new group of cool friends that are like 10 years younger than him, they are his best friends now because they get him.  He stated an affair in the beginning of January with a girl 6 years younger.  I did not hear about this till the beginning of February.  He told me he was with her and wanted to move out and explore this relationship.  I was supposed to be ok with this and he didn't think it was a big deal?????  so at this point I am freaking out because up til he starting taking lexaro we were happy or so I thiught and everybody who knew us.  SO i finally convince him to go back to dr and dr thinkjs he is bi polar. says he must wean off lexapro and start amblify??? and xanex.  it has been 3 weeks now and no change really just crashing from lexapro withdrawl.  he went to see pshy. today and was diagonesd as unipolar manic?????   dr wants to stop amblify and stgart new meds. I am not allowed to know what kkind or anything else.  I am told that this is his new life and that It is none of my business, I shoukld just accept it and get a grip.  but meanwhile our 5 year old son cries for his father every day and begs for him to come home.   My husband doesn't seem to care at all about my son or anything for that matter.  he is obsessed with the girlfriend  talking like 20 times a day on the phone and says he is ready to move in with her and her sons and be a family.  I have all the evidence I need for a divorce from emials to cell pohone records to him admiting it.  My question is is there hope that the guy I loved and was married to for 9.5 years is he still in there.  will he come back . do i hang on or quit while I am ahead.  I don't know how much more I can take at this point.  I thnak you for leting me vent here. any advice would be appreciated.

New Member

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 2/17/2009 11:28 PM (GMT -7)   
also he thinks his dr and me are in a cospiracy against him to make hiom feel bad agian . he likes how he feels and has never been this happy in his life.

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 2/18/2009 8:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Wow. I'm heartbroken for you and your son. First off ((HUGS)) and welcome to the board. A lot of people have experienced very similar things. I can't tell you that things are going to get better and he'll come running home to you - but would you want him back after being with another woman? He might be bipolar but he's still responsible for his actions - just because he's bipolar doesn't mean he HAS to cheat. Mine hasn't and wouldn't and I firmly believe that. Honestly hun, unless he is willing to get the help he needs, there isn't anything you can do. If you want to stand by him and support him, be prepared for a lot of hearbreak and if he's already cheated - then he may do so in the future again should he come home to you. He'll come out of this cycle eventually and either still be happy with his new life or feel so guilty he'll come crawling back to you - but again, you either have to be strong and say no - or put his cheating behind you and move on with some counselling. All I can tell you, is from what i've learned about BPD, sometimes it takes a long time to find the right combination of medication before you find one that works. I feel for you, I really do. You have some tough choices ahead of you to make. Be strong for your sons sake. He's looking to you on how he should be feeling. I'd get him into counselling too... regardless of what happens with your husband.
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do."

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 2/18/2009 10:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi cjm1402,

Welcome to HealingWell and the bipolar board.

I'm sorry to hear of your terrible predicament. Your husband certainly sounds bipolar to me, but I'm no doctor, so take that for what it's worth. Usually there is a crash after mania, at which point he will most likely come crawling back, but BD_Spouse is right to ask if you want that. For one thing, there's no knowing how long that can be -- especially if the doc is playing with his medicines. It's terrible your son has lost his Daddy like this. Mania is a heartbreaking thing. It can just ruin families.

I really recommend getting some therapy or counseling for yourself. You could use someone to talk all this out with and get some professional advice from.

Good luck and keep us updated. Vent anytime,
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

New Member

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 2/18/2009 11:36 AM (GMT -7)   
I thank youi for you advice and for letting me feel that I am not so alone in ll this. I do see a physc. and am on meds to help deal with this. But still having crying and anger moods, boy I wish I coud be numb right now. also talking to my son's ped about some kind of counciling for him. he is angry and sad and I really don't know what else I can do for him. I tell him everyday that his dad loves him and that mommy is here and not going anywhere, that I will also be here foir him. he had a nightmare last night he dreamt that I left like daddy and that he was all alone. my heart is broken for him, I tried to talk to my husband buit am told it is all my fault because I am sad all the time and he accused me of using our son to get back at him. I try everday to be a happy mom for my son, i save my crying till after he is asleep. I go down in the basement so he can't hear me. He saw me once when this first started and I have regreted it but he woke up and came out to find me crying that was about a month ago. since then I am careful what to do around him. He has told me that he is mad at daddy and asked me if it is ok to be mad. I told him that it was alright because they were his feelings and he could feel what he wants to. I tell him it is ok to tell me what he is feeling. thanks agian for welcoming me here and for listening.
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