so, he'll never be the same again?

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Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 2/24/2009 4:13 PM (GMT -7)   
I've been reading a couple replies to some posts and there was one thing that REALLY stuck out.  It's when Serefena told (sorry, i forget) someone that they (their BP spouse) will never be the same person again.  (or something like that).  I don't know why, but that really made me sad.  I'm thinking back to when I met my husband and how much fun we used to have and how much I knew without a shadow of a doubt, EVER, that he loved me.  Now the moods are back and forth... even almost sometimes daily.  He'll wake up mad/angry, be loving and smiley and happy for most of the day, have an angry spurt say around dinner, be lovey again until bed and then be cold as ice.  But the next morning he'll wake up and be in a good mood, then be happy all day but something will set him off for like a couple of hours, then he's happy again.  I never know when he's Jeckyl or Hyde...  Do I have to walk on eggshells for the rest of my life if I choose to stay with this man?
I guess I just needed a good vent.  Thanks for listening.
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do."

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 2/24/2009 6:20 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry BD_spouse,

It sounds like he's still not well regulated on his medications. He can be more stable than that. His moods can most definitely be more "normal" than that. Keep working on that with his docs and you will get closer to the man you married. These things can take so much time. They take the patience of a saint, truly.

Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 2/24/2009 11:30 PM (GMT -7)   
BD_Spouse, I feel for you. You so elequently descrided MY H as well. But we have never gotten him totally stable because to whatever varying degree....what you describe always exists (although the loving part for us is only friendly). Certainly some times are better than others, but it never lasts for long...a few weeks here, a month there. We have been at the meds issue for 7 years now. I personally also believe it depends on what level of ownership and self awareness our spouses are willing to do. Mine struggles with that. He owns it to the point of taking his meds consistantly, seeing the pdoc regularly, and working with his therapist at least once a month (he's been seeing him for 10+ years)....but it is the self awareness part, and owning the behavior as it comes up he can't seem to do - or even joining a support group type of thing. In retrospect...he does sometimes reflect...but Enough to apologize...rarely.

So to answer your question...will this ever change. I am coming to accept the fact that in our case, it probably never will fully. It is not all the BP's fault either. It has to do with the issues my H has, which if he wasn't BP would still be there, but the negative wouldn't be so hightened, or present so consistenly, or never really get to resolution...that part IS the BP. Just remember, you are not alone and we are all here with you. Big hugs to you....LFW

Post Edited (loving frustrated wife) : 2/24/2009 11:33:32 PM (GMT-7)

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 2/25/2009 7:20 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey BD;

You are definatly not alone feeling this way. The toll that this condition takes on everyone involved is brutal. It wrecks havok with the person with the condition and their relationships with the people that love them. The things they say and do can cause so much hurt that some wounds never fully heal.  It is sad when you do have to wonder if you will ever get that person fully back or not. I know I have had my doubts with my wife myself. It hurts to see the way this conditions makes her act, sleeping 14 hours a day, not doing hardly any of the things she used to enjoy doing & constantly feeling sorry for herself. When you throw the moods in on top of it, hers is either numb, depressed or angry, rarely happy or upbeat. It really doesn't help. I feel like when you get those really good moments when they are their real selves, it's to keep your hope alive so you don't just throw your hands up & walk off. 

Keep working with the meds, & the treatment plan & hopfully you will get the hubby back that you miss. It's a long road, but you know you have folks that will try to help you along.
"The struggles make you stronger, and the changes make you wise, and happiness has it's own way of taking it's sweet time.
Gary Allan- From "Life Ain't Always Beutiful"

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