We Finally Met With the P-doc!

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Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 3/27/2009 3:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello everyone.  So I accompanied my husband to his p-doc appt on Monday.  This is long, so please indulge me:  I get to the dr's office first.  I'm waiting, thinking he may not show up!  Planning my speech to him in case he doesn't show up.  When he finally does show up, he 's upset to no end because my car, which he is driving on this particular day is sooooooooo messy (according to him) it took the car wash guy 40 minutes to clean it out.  He's also upset at the fact that he misplaced some letter he needed to mail off. 
So my stomach gets all knotted up and I just want to get up and run away and leave him there to deal with his bp on his own if he even wants to deal with it!  But I stay like the good wife that I am...
Once in the dr's office, he starts off by admitting that he's got manic depression and has had some bad episodes lately.  I share the part about the bad episodes.  He tells the p-doc that it all started 9 years ago- I find it hard to believe that he was not moody or depressed before we met!!  So now I am feeling like marrying me triggered a depression and caused his bp!!!  He did tell her that he started feeling unhappy with his career around that time, which I knew. 
So in the end, she adjusted his meds and scheduled us for a therapy session to take place in two weeks.  The p-doc told me not to react to his mean words because it's the illness talking and not him, but really, how much of it is really his illness?????  He told her that I am actually really good about not reacting to his moods.  
Now I am just waiting to see this miraculous change in him with this medication adjustment and pray that he will realize that I am the greatest thing since sliced bread and start showing me some affection. 
I just want him to be stable.  

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Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/28/2009 9:07 AM (GMT -7)   


I am glad your hubby and you have seen the P-doc and that you have a therapy session lined up.

I know that being the spouse of a person with depression is tough as I have depression and I have been a handful for my hubby but he has hung in there and yes he gets upset with me and frustrated but I know that I just need to try harder sometimes and not give into my anxiety or depression.

Bipolar is a whole other disorder and much more difficult then having a unipolar disorder.

The first thing to know is that bipolar people usually hurt the one person they love the most. So, take it as a compliment, ha-ha! Many times they try to hide their  behavior from others, which makes you look crazy for complaining about this wonderful actor.

To understand how to help you, the non bipolar one, you need to understand the symptoms of bipolar. Bipolar people have mood swings called manic episodes and low episodes, with a little bit of normal between the two. Bipolar people are also known for suicidal thoughts and psychosis. Remember this is a disorder and he is  not out to get you.
Manic episode would be an over excited time where everything is great and wonderful. This is the time that bipolar people will make destructive decisions that seem like fun. Sex, drugs, alcohol, and foolish spending are some of the spontaneous fun that can lead to some long term negative consequences.
Low episode would be a depressed time where everything is awful, there is no point in getting up or doing anything with anyone. One trigger of a low is the consequences of a manic time. You had a great time, but now you are broke and you don't have the money for your car payment, food, rent, gas, etc...
Counseling and communication are essential to a successful marriage that deals with a bipolar. Find a counselor who you can trust and where you can attend the counselling sessions. Bipolar people tend to lie or leave valuable information out of their story, making it hard for a counselor to get anything accomplished. You also need counselling just as much as your partner, if not more. Find a counselor who will listen to you, guide you, and one who will give you a safe place to vent. The counselor should help you communicate with your spouse so that both of your opinions count and are meaningful.
Medication is a must! You need to make sure he takes his medications  consistently.
It takes a strong person with unconditional love to stay married to a bipolar person. Find a support system where they understand what you are going through. Learn how to stand on your own two feet to handle the problems as they come up and if that means cleaning up his messes, too, so be it.
I am proud of you for coming here and opening up to the members of this forum.............that is one way you have used a support network to help you.
Keep on talking to the wonderful members of this forum.  They live the life and they are the experts.
Gentle Hugs


Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

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Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
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Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 3/28/2009 9:38 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey Whyus;

Looks like you guys are making some steps in the right direction. Hopefully the new med will get him leveled out. I know it's hard to not react to the outbursts & the mood swings, especially when they get directed at you, but like the doc said, you have to try to differentiate what is the illness & what is a legitimate gripe. Don't take it to heart him telling you that everything is your fault, that is pretty typical I think. My wife blames me for things that she feels about herself that started years before we ever met. It is just some kind of defence mechinism that they have. It takes an incredibly strong person to stay with someone with this condition & it makes it harder when you feel like you are getting nothing back from it. Keep strong because I think you guys are one the right track, at least he is makeing an effort, so that is something.


"The struggles make you stronger, and the changes make you wise, and happiness has it's own way of taking it's sweet time.
Gary Allan- From "Life Ain't Always Beutiful"

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