Kids, Daddy is going to live somewhere else

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not on a positive trip
New Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 3/28/2009 2:49 PM (GMT -7)   

I just had to tell my kids that I was going to live somewhere else. My wife and I are separating and we just broke the news. My stomach hurts from crying so hard. My daughter is 6 and a half and she was very upset and confused. I just want to crawl in a hole and die. My son is just too young to understand. He won’t get it until he understands my absence.


My daughter had her neuropsychological eval on Friday and she is probably going to be ADHD with some Oppositional Defiance. She is so sweet but so tough. I just run out of patience so fast and start yelling and getting in her face just making it worse. Maybe its better I go, I just love her so much and I know she knows it. Is it BP Mania that gives me such a short fuse that only gets exacerbated by her behavioral problems?


I’m getting evaluated by the same Doc and I tell you, I hope I’m ADHD OD and I can be done being BP. I’ve had it. One of the many reasons I drank was to dull my senses so I would be less quick to snap, be overbearing, and a staunch disciplinarian. My reactions are most often too strong for the infraction but each one builds on itself. I try to choke it back time after time but it begins taking on a life of its own and I explode. This can be a period of 20 mins or two hours. I feel powerless and like a failure as a dad which of course led to more drinking.


Mental illness is cruel and unfair. If we spent as much money as we do advertising for booze maybe we would be getting somewhere in treating mental health. Something better that doesn’t produce awful side-effects, life-long dependency, relapses, etc. I want me back, I want a normal me, whatever that is, I want my family back, I want my wife and kids back. I want to give my mental health back. Here higher power, hold this for me I’m all done with it.


My sweet little boy, my sweet little girl. Yes I have visitations and plenty of it but its not the same as putting them to bed every night and being there when they wake up. I just want to wake up and this is all a bad dream.

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 180
   Posted 3/28/2009 5:30 PM (GMT -7)   
I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. I hope you can get into some kind of therapy and work out a way to go back home. The only time we really fail is when we just give up.
You will be in my prayers tonight.
Fibromyalgia, Bipolar Disease, Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, Clinical Depression, Arthritis, High Blood Pressure, etc.
Who ever knew I would be defined by my diseases??

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 44
   Posted 3/29/2009 6:37 AM (GMT -7)   
There are side affects in any illness :(

I understand what your going through my daughter has some issues to and she can drive me nuts. I can be fine one second and the next second I'm yelling at her. Not all the time but enough to make me feel very guilty for it. The unfortunate thing is honestly she doesn't understand a conversation where you can sit her down and explain right from wrong to her so I think that is what sends me to fire so quickly. But, then again looking back at how I handled past incidents she didn't understand why I was yelling either so sometimes its better to walk away til your calm enough to deal with it.
I've been doing this more and more and it has made a difference for when I returned I could be firm but productive in getting her to do what I needed her to.
If I yell at her she doesn't understand what she did and why I'm yelling at her. All she understands is this person that is suppose to love me is yelling at me.
If your daughter cries when you disciplines her atleast you are fortunate enough to see emotio. You know there is a bit of understanding there and a rational conversation can be had when your calm.
Therefore try to make her not cry. Try to ask her questions and if she can't answer you. Answer for her. Like
Don't ask things like
Did you hit your brother? Your giving her the opportunity to lie and that will just make you go off. Some kids lie at young ages and they have to be taught not to.
Tell her this but phrase it like a question, that answers itself.
Did you know? When you hit your brother it hurts his feelings.
Tell her how it hurts his feelings.

I have a child that shows very little emotion. If I'm crying she doesn't comfort me like my son did when he was her age. She ignores me and wants to go about her business. If I yell at her she will not look me in the eye, she will not speak to me, she becomes like a little blank faced doll.
It's my job to try to explain what things feel like and try to make her feel them. (Takes patience, prayers, and more) I slip up now and again. You just get yourself back on track.

You have been given this special little creature for whatever reason God knew you could handle it. He knew that there is a special person inside of you that could deal with her special needs. Reach deep inside and find that person. He's there. And your not perfect and you'll slip up every now again.

I know this sounds a bit cruel but Sometimes things seem like their being taken away from us when really were being taught how to appreciate them.
You will learn to focus your time with your children in a more positive way. You will have the opportunity to make every second count.

I am sorry your going through this. But make every second count.
Focus on feeling better and on being there for your kids. Making lasting memories. Things that you can give to them that can never be taken away from them. For the love of your children stay away from the Booze. It's not helping you and it wont help them.

Maybe this could be a new beginning for you?

not on a positive trip
New Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 3/29/2009 9:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you both for your support. I am off the booze 9 days now. I can tell you I have had no withdrawal symptoms from it. I am so done with it. I am however having significant withdrawal symptoms from being separated from my wife. I have major co-dependency problems and I am getting manic again and my sex drive is at hyper speed, not that we have been doing any of that for a long time. It’s just an internal tug of war that is ripping me apart and I have no desire for booze to ease the pain either. I’m in 3 or 4 different kinds of therapies and support groups and I am exercising again.

I had a cousin that I haven’t seen in 15 years. I think she may be ODD. I remember talking with her after not seeing her since I was a kid. She scared the heck out of me and she wasn’t even a close relative. No fear no regard for anything or anyone but didn’t seem to be mean. I simply think she just didn’t realize the effects of her actions. She mentioned how she was surprised she was still alive and didn’t expect to be for too much longer, I think she was 20 at the time. She took chances, ran away for weeks on end. I did many of the same things but not quite to that degree. Her stories made my blood run cold.

I have always taken risks, high speeds with cars, exploring abandoned buildings, etc. Its the only thing that actually made me feel alive. On a manic tear getting ready for my kids B-Day party I almost cut my arm off with my chain saw. I’m 3 steps ahead of myself all the time. I lived in my car in the cemetery for a few weeks in high school. It just goes on and on. I drank to heal old unresolved wounds, and to slow the mania and anger down.

I am so scared for my daughter. I have lost so many things and people in my life; I just can’t handle another one. Seeing her face when we told her just crushed me. I’ve been crushed like that 3 times in a week. My hair is turning white before my eyes.

My grandmother used to always say "that kid never smiles, there’s something wrong with him." My mother used to always ask me what wrong with me when I would beat on my brother and have anger outbursts. We always argued, I wanted to be treated like and adult and wanted to do things beyond my years. I had no real fear and was in a hurry to grow up. When I discovered alcohol when I was 19 she would always berate me that I was an alcoholic just like all my other relatives, what jerks they were, just like her old boyfriend that drank himself to death.

He never smiles, he’s an alcoholic, he’s got anger issues, he’s this he’s that, what’s wrong with you?

Not for my daughter.

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 44
   Posted 3/29/2009 5:53 PM (GMT -7)   
"Time Heals All Things."
Maybe not the way we would like but the way it should. Time will heal all things and you have to make sure that you don't create more as time continues or it will be a never ending cycle.
Good Luck I hope everything works out.

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/29/2009 6:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Trip,

I am so sorry you are in this difficult position. I understand your pain and I hope that you continue to work on healing yourself and the rest of your world will right itself.

I have depression and have been living in the ups and downs for over 20 years so I understand your feelings.

I have to say congratulations on your 9 days of sobriety. Every day is one to celebrate your success.

“Love yourself—accept yourself—forgive yourself—and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things.”

~Leo F. Buscaglia ~

I wish you peace,


Post Edited By Moderator (Admin) : 8/7/2010 11:00:58 PM (GMT-6)

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